


Orange but it’s Kagehina

by Closeted_Fujoshi



Category: Haikyuu!!, orange - 高野苺 | Takano Ichigo
Genre: Coming of Age, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sexual Tension, but it gets sad soooo, they’re all adorable
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Closeted_Fujoshi/pseuds/Closeted_Fujoshi
Summary: On the day that Tobio begins 10th grade, he receives a letter from himself ten years in the future. At first, he wants to write it off as a prank, but as the letters predictions come true one by one Tobio realizes that the letter might be the real deal. His future self tells Tobio that a new transfer student, a boy named Shouyou, will soon join his class. The letter begs Tobio to watch over him, saying that only he can save Shouyou from a terrible future.Or, Orange but it’s Kagehina(Original story belongs to Ichigo Takano. Please read the original manga!)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	1. Letter 1

The spring following Kageyama’s fifteenth birthday was plentiful in numerous ways. For one, he had another growth spurt (something he probably didn’t need given it made him stick out like a sore thumb) Regardless, puberty had given him more than a few extra inches. His shoulders grew broader, his jaw sharper and his baby fat was replaced by lean muscle. Everything in his life was pretty stereotypical for a teenage boy. Well, that was what he thought until he received the letter. 

“Tobio, honey! You’re going to be late for school!”

“I’m on my way out, just a second!” That morning he’d gone to the kitchen to grab a late breakfast only to find a letter addressed to himself on the counter. Curiosity won over the prospect of being late and his nagging mother. The letter itself was simple, just a white envelope with his name scrawled across the back and a postal stamp in the corner, no return address. And the sender? In handwriting that was beginning to resemble his the longer he looked at it was the name Kageyama Tobio written for the second time.

“Kageyama Tobio!” Another shout from down the hall.

“I’m going, I’m going!” In a sudden rush, he stuffed the letter into his book bag. 

School uniform rumpled and hair tousled, Kageyama set off for school. For the first time ever, he’d overslept. His birthday just kept giving. Outside, it was significantly warmer than it had been the past week and the cherry blossoms were starting to bloom. Thankfully, the first bell hadn’t yet rung by the time Kageyama made it to his classroom.

As he took a seat, his classmates fell into hushed whispers and giggles. “Tobio?” The only voice capable of making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

He sighed and belligerently glanced up. “Hey, Oikawa.”

The two had known each other for longer than Kageyama would like to admit. They played volleyball together in middle school and had been inseparable since, but perhaps inseparable wasn’t the word. Oikawa knew things about him no one else did, and he preferred to keep it that way.

“You really grew, didn’t you? But you still aren’t as tall as me.” The brunette childishly stuck his tongue out and tossed his bag on the ground next to a nearby desk. How the girls at their school were head over heels for Oikawa was beyond him. Tobio muttered an acknowledgment and glanced down at his bookbag. He was itching to read that damn letter.

“Welcome to High School!” With a grin, their teacher placed his briefcase on his desk. “I’m looking forward to this upcoming year as your teacher. Today, we have the Entrance Ceremony, followed by an early dismissal. But before we get started, I have someone I need to introduce you to. I’ll be right back.”

A new student? Kageyama tried not to let his mind wander as he slipped a hand into his bag and pulled out the envelope. A glance to his left confirmed Oikawa wasn’t paying attention. (just taking a selfie) He ripped open the top without further hesitation- wait. What if it was something dirty? He glanced around warily for a second time. If someone saw it he’d never hear the end of it. Cautiously, he peered into the letter only to find a sheet of notebook paper.

_Kageyama Tobio,  
Hey kid, if this letter gets where it’s supposed to be on time, today’s your first day of High School. I’m not gonna say some stupid shit like ‘how are you?’ I’ll just get straight to the point. I’m writing you a letter from ten years in the future because I need something and you’re the only person that can help me obtain it. _

Kageyama paused to blink down at the letter in disbelief. The future? What kind of bullsh- On second thought, the letter did sound like something he’d write.

_You probably don’t believe me, trust me I know myself. To prove this is real, I’ve given you a list of things that will happen in the near future and instructions on what to do when these things happen. Follow the instructions and you won’t make the same mistakes I did._

_April 6th  
I forgot to set my alarm and overslept for the first time in my life. _

Kageyama would’ve dropped the paper if he hadn’t been clutching it so tight his knuckles were turning white. He gulped and continued.

_In class today there’s a new transfer student from Miyagi. His name is Hinata_

The classroom door rattled open and Kageyama sat in suspense. Loud giggles erupted behind him at some joke and he jolted in his seat. He was on edge, no doubt. “Hey, Quiet down!” Their teacher closed the classroom door behind him. “We have a new student joining our class today.” 

Not far behind their teacher was a boy. Short in stature and strange in every way. His hair was the first noticeable thing, it was so red it was the shade of an orange and stuck out at every angle. Every transfer student before had been timid, hardly looking up from their shoes to greet the class, but him… A smile bright as the sun lit up his gentle features. 

Almost deliberately slow, their teacher scratched the boy’s name onto the chalkboard. “This is Hinata Shouyou. Hinata’s from Miyagi but I’m sure you’ll all make him feel at home here in Nagano.” The class nodded in silent agreement, eyes all glued to _Hinata._ “Hinata why don’t you introduce yourself?”

The redhead’s smile faltered for only a moment before he spoke. “It’s nice to meet you all!” His eyes glazed over each person as if he could remember each by face. Their eyes met and Kageyama’s breath caught in his throat. As quick as the moment came, it ended and he moved onto the next. Tobio glanced down at the letter in his lap. How was any of this happening? Thinking straight wasn’t an option when his head was filled with Hinata Shouyou. The only plausible answer to any of his questions was the letter, it had to be real, he’d just have to accept it.

“Well then, take the seat next to Kageyama.” He banged his knee against his desk. This had to be one of the weirdest coincidences. He glazed over the letter as Hinata walked his way, smiling at his peers as he did. Nowhere in the letter did it mention having a seat right next to him.

Anxiety bubbled up in his stomach, but nothing happened for the rest of the day. He snuck glances at the smaller boy for the majority of it and had a sneaking suspicion some of those glances were returned. The bell rang and students began to pack their bags. “Come on, Tobio!” Oikawa mussed his hair. “Let’s all walk home together.”

With a grunt, Kageyama hiked his bag over his shoulder and rolled his eyes, watching out of the corner as Hinata neared the door. “What do you mean ‘all’?”

“Iwa-chan and a few friends, you know the drill.”

“I clearly don’t if I have to ask.” He thought back to the last time he’d gotten together with a friend group. “Don’t tell me you’re talking about Tsukishima and Yamaguchi…”

“Please…” Oikawa whined. “We can get snacks.”

He relented. “Fine.”

Oikawa smiled and watched the last few people leave the classroom, suddenly his eyes lit up. “Hey, Hinata! Why don’t you join us?” Oh no, no, no. Kageyama rose from his seat and silently began to pray.

Hinata paused to consider his options and shrugged. “I don’t know… I’m supposed to be home at a certain time after moving to a new place and all.” The previously confident boy seemed to curl into himself at the sudden attention. That or he was anxious about getting home.

But Oikawa wasn’t a quitter, he slung his arm around the small boys’ shoulders. (best as that worked) and steered him towards Kageyama. “C’mon it’ll be fun. It won’t just be us three, I promise!” Footsteps from down the hallway interrupted their conversation. “Speak of the devil!”

If asked, Kageyama would favor Iwaizumi over Oikawa in every situation. From what he’d been told, Oikawa and Iwaizumi had been friends since elementary school. Their paths only lined up with his in middle school volleyball where they took him under their wing. He’d seen Iwaizumi as an older brother since then and the feeling only grew stronger as he aged. Oikawa’s brotherly figure had long since faded. Now he was just a pain in the ass.

“Yo, I was just looking for you two.” Iwa’s eyes circled the faces in the room. “Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are waiting at the front gates.” Even though Hinata still hadn’t agreed to go, Oikawa insisted it was essential he meet more people at his new school. 

Tsukishima was blunt as always with nothing but a nod as a greeting. Yamaguchi was the opposite. “Please come with, Hinata! We’re stopping by my parents’ bakery!”

Kageyama hadn’t met Tsukishima and Yamaguchi by choice either. He wasn’t much of a fan of sweets but his mother had asked him to pick up some cupcakes from a bakery the day the three met. He'd swung by the nearly empty bakery as promised and Yamaguchi happened to be working the counter. Their interaction was nothing but an exchange of money and a box, but as Kageyama turned to leave, he ran smack into a jerk he’d learn to call Tsukishima.

Hinata worried his lip and ground his toe into the dirt. “I can’t pass up sweets, but I-”

“We have the rest of the day off, Hinata. You’ve got plenty of time.” Iwa ran a hand partially through his cropped hair when his stomach growled.

“Hungry?” Oikawa prodded and broke into laughter.

_Hinata is invited to walk home with the group, but he declines._

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you back quick!”

_This is the one day I don’t want you to invite him. No matter what._

But he’d never even spoken directly to Hinata. What if the letter was a hoax? He’d be hurting his feelings for nothing. Kageyama toyed with the strap of his bag. There was no way anyone else would believe him. 

“I guess if it’s only for a bit.” Hinata rocked on his heels and tucked a flyaway hair behind his ear. And before Hinata could change his mind, Oikawa was tugging him along the road towards the bakery. What was the harm in inviting Hinata anyway? With a shrug, Tobio caught up to his friends.

The sound of their shoes against dirt filled the silence as they walked. Until Oikawa opened his mouth of course. “Hey! I just realized I never formally introduced everyone.” Iwa met eyes with Kageyama and cocked his brow. Briefly, Tobio recalled being introduced to their old volleyball team in a similar fashion. Oikawa’s eyes rounded the group before settling on one. “I guess I’ll start with the best!” He smiled wide. “This is Iwaizumi Hajime, he’s my best friend.” Oikawa smiled proudly at that and Hinata giggled behind his hand. A habit maybe?

“That’s Yamaguchi Tadashi, he’s the one we steal all our snacks from.”

“Very funny, Oikawa…” He groaned and looked back at Hinata. “You can call me Tadashi or Yamaguchi. Either is fine.”

“The blonde jackass next to him is Tsukki. He’s the stoic type.”

The blonde clicked his tongue and shoved a hand in his pocket. “It’s Tsukishima Kei.”

“My name’s Oikawa, which I'm sure you probably know by now.” He scanned their friend group again. “Oh!” An arm reached out and seized his own. “This is Kageyama Tobio. I know he looks scary but he’s actually really soft, see?” Oikawa pinched the skin on Tobio’s forearm and offered it to Hinata. 

It was a joke, obviously. Anyone could see that, but if that was true, why was Kageyema’s heart threatening to burst as Hinata’s small fingers grazed against the warmth of his skin? “Hi.” He managed, his throat tight with nerves. 

Hinata retracted his hand and slowly looked up. “What do I call you?”

“Oh, uh…” He laughed awkwardly and rubbed his shoulder. His other friends seemed lost in another conversation, debating what the bakery would be selling. “You can call me Tobio if you want.”

“Tobio.” Hinata let the name roll off his tongue. Almost like he was deciding whether he liked the taste. “I like it!” Their eyes met yet again and heat began to creep across Kagayama’s face. 

Tsukisima snickered and despite fronting anger, Kageyema could feel his face getting hotter by the second. Soon enough he was gripping the object of his anger by the collar. Tsukishimia whining about Kageyama’s filthy hands touching his uniform and Kageyama growling any retort he could think of.

“Knock it off you two.” Oikawa pulled them apart and motioned towards their new friend. “You’re making us look bad in front of Hinata.”

All conversations fell silent and all eyes turned to Hinata who had a hand clamped tightly over his mouth. For a second, Kageyama thought something was wrong but the redhead’s eyes crinkled and a laugh bubbled out from behind his hand.

Everyone gaped. “He gets cuter?!” Oikawa nearly squealed and tackled Hinata in a hug. “What made you laugh?”

Hinata breathed a shaky breath and clutched his stomach. “Tsukishima and Tobio.” Though Kageyama would’ve loved to remain indifferent, he smiled, genuinely smiled. He’d been the first to make Hinata laugh and if he’d listened to the letter, maybe someone else would’ve been. 

The bakery wasn’t far from where they were and Yamaguchi was the first to go in, remerging after barely a minute, hands full of bags branded with his family’s logo. “I’ve got the bread and since it’s a special occasion, each of you gets two!”

“You rock, Tadashi!” Oikawa traded his compliment for a bag and dug through the different types of sweets. “Let’s see… we’ve got cutlet bread, miso bread, curry bread, and sesame bread.”

“I’ve got the sweet stuff,” Yamaguchi interjected and raised the other bag. “Melon bread and apple cinnamon rolls.”

“Oh, I want sesame bread!” Iwaizumi reached for Oikawa’s bag but the taller of the two was already retracting it.

“Nope. Hinata gets to pick first today. What would you like?”

“I’m fine with anything, really, but the sesame bread sounds interesting.” Iwaizumi furrowed his brows.

“It’s really good!” Oikawa phished the plastic-wrapped bread out for him and handed it over. “What about you, Tobio? What do you want?” He turned to his long time friend and wiggled the bag in front of his face. 

Kageyama wasn't too sure. If he had to pick, his favorite thing from the bakery was their curry bread. He was tempted to ask for it, but what if someone else wanted one? (Hinata in particular) “I’m fine with whatever.”

“Is Kageyama being nice for once?” Tsukishima taunted, snatching the bag out of Oikawa’s hand. 

“I’m not! I just don’t care.” He’d never given much thought to how his face portrayed his feelings but as he felt warmth consume his face once again, he began to think he wasn’t very good at hiding them.

“Well then, pick what you want!” Yamaguchi held open his bag and urged Tsukishima to do the same. “But first I’m taking the other sesame bread.” He grinned cheekily and dug into the bag the blonde was holding.

“Hey, I wanted that.” Tsukishima huffed and wrapped a hand around his freckled friend's wrist. Yamaguchi only had to smile and Tsukishima released. No one commented on that out of respect.

“Guess I’ll take an apple cinnamon roll then. Since someone took the other sesame bread.” Iwaizumi roughly snatched the bag out of Yamaguchi’s hand. 

He snickered and braggingly took a big bite out of his sesame bread. “You’ve got to try a curry bread, Hinata!” He reached into Tsukishima’s bag and tossed one over.

“You can have melon bread and an apple cinnamon roll, Kageyama. Since you love sweets.” Tsukishima forked over the last of the sweet buns. Kageyama only rolled his eyes, but he still took them. If Hinata got to try the curry bread, he didn’t mind. “I’ll have the other curry bread.”

“Tsukki! I wanted that!” Yamaguchi reached futilely for his bread.

“Your family owns the bakery, you can eat it anytime.”

“I still don’t want you to have it!”

Sure, his mortal enemy ended up getting the other curry bread, but being selfless made him feel better than any curry bread could. Unwrapping his bread, Hinata caught his eyes. But he didn’t speak, only stared. Just when he was starting to feel awkward, Hinata held out his bag. “Trade you my curry bread for your melon bread.” Again, Kageyama’s heartbeat rose to his throat. 

“S-Sure.” He passed off his melon bread, fingers brushing against Hinata’s hand. “Thanks.” How did he know? Did he look like he wanted the curry bread? Was that even possible? 

Hinata reached into his bag. “Here! I bought them earlier today, but they’re still cold.” He offered Kageyama a box of milk and stuck a straw into his orange juice. “Milk for you and orange juice for me!” Kageyama couldn’t help but think their drinks matched their personalities. 

_April 6th (Friday)  
I haven’t written my feelings since middle school, but I figure now’s the best time to start. Today I overslept for the first time in my life. We had our entrance ceremony and half a day of classes. A transfer student, Hinata Shouyou, joined our class and sits next to me. We invited him to walk home with us, and we walked and talked until the sun went down though we promised to get him home on time. I walked beside Hinata._

“Bye!” Yamaguchi and Tsukishima waved before splitting off. It was nearly dark by then. 

They fell back into comfortable silence until they reached Hinata’s breakoff point. He turned with a smile and a wave. “Hey, Hinata!” Oikawa stopped him. “Can we just call you Shouyou?”

A cool wind rustled Hinata’s hair. He shivered. “Sure. I’d like that.”

_Starting Monday, we’ll just call him Shouyou._

Kageyama closed his journal and tipped back in his desk chair. They had half a day of classes yet he felt exhausted. Maybe it was the socialization that drained him. Now everything was on paper, but something was still missing. He tapped his pencil against his bottom lip. Oh, right! He pulled the letter out of his school bag and tossed it on his desk. 

Though he’d like to deny it, everything written in the letter had actually occurred. From waking up late to walking with everyone, every moment was described perfectly. As well as everything he’d written in his journal. If the letter really had come from himself ten years in the future, it meant he still had his journal then. Kageyama flipped on his desk lamp and lined up the letter and his journal side by side. Even the handwriting was the same.

It was really real. In shock, Tobio thumbed through every page he’d found in the envelope. It went on for months. Nausea washed over him at the realization and he slammed the papers down against his desk. With a long groan, he rose to his feet and collapsed against his bed. He didn’t want to know what happened in the future.

The next day came faster than Kageyama hoped, but he was looking forward to one thing. Hinata Shouyou. The redhead wasn’t there when he arrived, but he didn’t find it too strange, he was usually early. When Oikawa took a seat, however, that was when he started to worry. “Is Shouyou sick today?”

Oikawa shrugged and glanced at the empty desk. “Who knows? We should’ve asked for his phone number.”

“I hope he’s okay.” The words slipped from Kageyama’s mouth.

Oikawa poked his arm. “Someone’s got a crush.” Kageyama didn’t even have a chance to question what the hell he was talking about before the bell rang and everyone took their seats.

Class passed by fast and Kageyama managed to snag Oikawa just as he left. “A crush on who?”

Oikawa shook his head at Kageyama as if he was missing the most obvious thing. “Shouyou! Are you interested in him?”

“A crush? On Shouyou…?” He gulped. “Uh… I gotta go.” He could barely walk like a normal human being, much less think. Sure, Shouyou seemed nice and all, but Kageyama didn’t like him did he? As in kiss and hold hands and… other stuff. 

For the next two weeks, Shouyou didn’t show up for school. Now and then, he’d glance at the letter and wonder if maybe he’d followed its instructions, Shouyou would still be coming to class. He’d buried the letter in a desk drawer since his decision, but he found himself digging it out. If it explained why Shouyou stopped coming to school, Kageyama found he didn’t mind rereading it. 

_April 20th  
We had a volleyball game at school. During the volleyball match, I was called on to be a pinch setter but declined. Tadashi takes my place and double sets, so we lose. It was an easy win. The other team overhand served and the ball was passed directly to Tadashi, but he fumbled it. I regret saying no then, so agree when they ask you to play. This was the day I started to like Shouyou. _

“Tobio!” Nearing the end of his final lap, Yamaguchi and Iwaizumi waved him over. “They said we’re up first, isn’t that great!” Kageyama stopped to catch his breath and mustered a nod.

The letter hadn’t said anything about why Shouyou was missing school so much but going against the letter clearly had consequences. Iwaizumi patted his shoulder and the three of them set off to look for the rest of their winning team. Not too far across the schoolyard, three boys were waiting for them.

Three? “Shouyou!” Kageyama picked up his pace and soon enough, the three of them were sprinting towards him. 

“Good, you’re back!”

And when Shouyou turned to look at him with a smile, he seemed the same as always. He didn’t look like anything bad had happened to him. Yamaguchi was the first to ask what they were all thinking. “Why were you out for two weeks, Shouyou?”

Shouyou shrugged and slipped his hands into his gym uniform pockets. “I was cutting class.” That was it? He paused to study Hinata’s face, but Iwaizumi and Yamaguchi pulled him away from the rest of the group. Hinata had been cutting class? That was it?!

Yamaguchi wrapped an arm around each friend. “This is going to be easy, you guys. You two played volleyball together in middle school, right?”

Kageyama patted his arm. “It’s been a while.”

Iwaizumi snorted. “Oh, don’t be modest, hot stuff. You’re a great setter.”

“Whatever you say…”

They split up to stretch for their game, Kageyama taking the grassy spot by the bleachers. The grassy spot that just so happened to be right beside a redhead staring at his sneakers. “Shouyou, which event did you sign up for?” Stretching forgotten, he climbed up the bleachers and took a seat.

“Oh.” Hinata blinked up at Kageyama. “I didn’t sign up for anything, I’m just on first-aid duty.”

“Why aren’t you playing?”

Shouyou giggled to himself. “Well, I missed so much class I never really got to practice.”

“You still could’ve played. It’s no big deal.”

Shouyou ran his hand along the pattern of the bleachers. “What did you sign up for, Tobio?”

“Oh… volleyball.”

“Really?! I used to play.” There was seemingly no end to Hinata’s greatness. “What’s wrong with your foot?”

“My foot?” Kageyama looked down at the hand he’d been tugging at the toe of his sneaker with.

“Does it hurt?”

“Sort of. My shoes are just too small.”

“Too small?”

“Yeah, I still haven’t ordered ones for this year. I had a big growth spurt before we met.”

“No way…” Hinata shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t imagine you any shorter than you are now. It’s just weird.”

“And I can’t imagine you any taller.”

“Hey!” He smacked his arm. “I’m gonna hit a growth spurt too, just you wait!” The two stared at each other and broke into laughter. 

For a moment everything was perfect. Sunlight reflected off Shouyou’s amber eyes and his smile was contagious. That was all he needed, really. “There you are, Tobio! Our game is starting.” Yamaguchi yanked him up from the bleachers and tousled Shouyou’s hair. Just like that, the moment was gone.

Their game ended up being tied most of the way through, turned out the other three they were playing against were part of the volleyball club. Totally uncalled for, but manageable. On the winning point, Kageyama’s fears came true. Iwaizumi insisted they switch positions. Exactly what the letter said would happen.

“Please, Tobio. We need you… We need someone unpredictable and you’re our guy.”

“I can’t, Iwa…” He lowered his voice. “After middle school, I made a promise with myself. What if I mess up?”

“Tobio, it’s just a game. The promise you made with yourself has nothing to do with this, okay? And you won’t mess up, I swear.” Iwaizumi always had a way of making him feel better, but it wasn’t working this time. 

“I’m sorry, guys. I just can’t.” He couldn’t stand the thought of letting his friends down yet again.

Yamaguchi grabbed him by his sweaty arms and squeezed. “Tobio! Please! We’re begging you!”

He brushed the hands off and folded into himself. Hinata who’d witnessed everything from beside him on the bleachers patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t push yourself. You’re foot’s injured isn’t it?”

His teammates stared in disbelief. “What?! Why didn’t you say so…”

“I’m fine. It’s nothing to worry about.” Curiously, he peered at Hinata. Wondering if maybe he'd said that just so they'd leave Kageyama alone.

Yamaguchi put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath. “I’ll do it then!”

“Are you sure, Tadashi? You’ve never set before.”

“I’ve got this! You said we needed something unpredictable and I mean- I’ve never played volleyball before, so that’s about as far from predictable as you can get.”

_Tadashi takes my place and double sets, so we lose._

Iwaizumi waved and pulled another one of their classmates to fill his empty spot. “Hope your foot feels better.”

Was he really going to disregard everything in that letter? His future self had gone through the trouble of detailing every day and he was just going to ignore it all? He’d regret turning them down, he knew he would. Everything in the letter had been right so why wouldn’t that be? Deep down, Kageyama was sure he could help, he was just scared, but there was nothing worse than running away from his fears.

He stood up. “I’ll do it!”

“Really?” Iwa turned back towards him with a knowing smile.

“Really.” His friend wrapped an arm around him and steered him towards the court.

“But, Tobio! You’re foot.” Hinata’s shout stopped him. Kageyama flippantly waved his hand in the air. He’d be fine in the end, regardless. Someday the pain in his feet would go away, but regrets lasted forever. Even ten years in the future he’d still be thinking about them. Personally, he didn’t want to spend the next ten years of his life thinking about what he could’ve done. 

Kageyama took a deep breath and flexed his fingers. He was beyond rusty to be doing this. The letter said the final match was an easy win. The whistle blew and the other team overhand served it just as predicted. Yamaguchi received the ball and soon enough it was coming right at him. Just as the ball dipped into reach, muscle memory kicked in. 

Something unpredictable… He flipped the ball just barely over the net. ‘A setter dump’ was one of the things he’d been known for back in his middle school years. No one could ever tell it was coming and he only used it sparingly.

Everyone erupted into cheers. They’d won. Kageyama looked down at his knuckles. How silly, his hands were shaking. Yamaguchi and Iwa were the first to get to him, aggressively fluffing his hair and hugging him repeatedly. “What’d I tell you, Tobio?”

And as they made it off the court, Oikawa was the first to congratulate him. “That was awesome, Tobio-chan! It’s been so long…” He nodded. His friends were great and all, but his eyes were already combing the crowd for Hinata. Kageyama had always given in to his quiet self. What changed that? The letter maybe.

His class ended up winning both volleyball tournaments because of Oikawa, or so the brunette had claimed. “We’re heading back to class, Tobio. See you there?”

“Uh… yeah. You guys go on ahead.” After the group thinned out and few peers were left, Kageyama collapsed against the empty bleachers with a whine. His feet were definitely at their limit. The nurses' office was probably the best option. Decidedly, he stood up on shaky feet. 

“Your ambulance has arrived, so stop right there.” Shouyou had stayed behind. He held out a first aid kit. “Let me see your foot.”

“I’m fine. I was just gonna-”

“Come on, take a seat.” Why was he resisting again? Relief flooded through him as soon as his feet left the ground. He peeled off his smelly sneakers and tossed his socks onto the bench. It was stupid, but he was kind of looking forward to getting taken care of. It didn’t happen often so he had the right to enjoy it. Shouyou plopped down on the grass in front of him and threw open the first aid kit. “Lemme see.” 

Gingerly, he raised his foot. “So your shoes are giving you blisters after all.” Gently, Hinata cupped Kageyama’s heel. “I’m going to disinfect them.” Even though he was expecting it, the burn of hydrogen peroxide on his cuts stung. He yelped embarrassingly to which Hinata looked up with a smirk. Kageyama grinned sheepishly. “Don’t forget to buy bigger shoes.”

“They’re only for gym class, I should be fine.” Hinata snorted and stuck a bandaid on Tobio’s heel. “It’s a little late to buy new ones, anyway. I’d have to go to the counselors' office and… ugh- I’ll just live with it.”

Hinata hummed in understanding and reached for Kageyama’s sock. “If all you do is live with it… then that’s not much of a life.”

No one had ever said that to him before. “It’s okay… The only thing I can’t stand is causing trouble for the people around me.” Tobio never thought those words would pass his lips. He’d changed a lot since middle school.

Hinata snickered and looked up at him. “I never would’ve guessed.”

“It’s just… If no one else notices that I’m hurt, then I can ignore it. That’s what I always do.”

Silence stretched between them as Hinata took his time lacing up Kageyama’s sneaker. When he was finished, he leaned back on his palms. “I’ve been watching.” He flushed and looked to the side. “I’ve been watching you… I’ve noticed.”

Kageyama blushed from the roots of his hair to his toes. Watching? The thought of Hinata’s eyes searching for him in a crowd the same way he’d been doing made his heart uncomfortably flutter in his chest, just like that time they’d walked home together. Shouyou offered him his curry bun like he’d known. Known he let his friends pick first. 

“And we’re done.” Shouyou snapped the lid of the first aid kit closed and rose to his full height. Not that it was much. “Take it easy, alright?” He offered a hand and pulled Kageyama to his feet with a grunt. “You’re heavy, jeez.”

Kageyama smiled down at the redhead and jokingly raised a fist. “Say that again.”

“Alright!” He giggled. “I relent!” 

“Thanks.”

“Yep.” With a tiny wave, he picked up the first aid kit and turned to head back to class. Kageyama looked back down at his foot and that same warmth that'd been bothering him became too much to bottle up.

“Wait, Shouyou!” He paused to glance over his shoulder. “If you want to play volleyball, speak up!” He raised a brow. “I’m watching you too! Okay, Shouyou?!”

The smaller boys’ lips quirked up and he ducked bashfully into the collar of his jacket. “I saw your setter’s dump. It was pretty cool..." Shouyou bit his lip. "Next year I’m going to join the volleyball club. You should watch me then, too. I’m going to be better than you!”

Kageyama laughed to himself and violently shook his head back and forth. “I’ll watch you, but there’s no way you’ll be better than me!”

Again, everything written in the letter for that day really happened. When Hinata said he’d been watching Kageyama, he’d never felt happier. He wanted more of that feeling. 

As he watched Shouyou walk back to class he realized this was the closing point of the day. The day he started to like Shouyou. That was what the warm feeling in his chest was. Maybe by listening to the letter, he’d fixed one of the regrets his future self had been carrying. With that thought in mind, he felt a tad lighter on the walk back to his classroom.

\---

Thinking of Shouyou typically made Kageyama feel better, but today, he felt nothing but sadness. “Tobio!” Not bothering to look to his right, he combed his fingers through his hair and flopped back into the wet grass. Oikawa leaned over him and waved a large bouquet of flowers in his face. “Check out these flowers! Pretty, right?!”

He smiled lazily. “Are they for Shouyou?”

“You got it!” Oikawa dropped into a crouch by his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“He never liked flowers.”

“Whatever!” Oikawa smacked Tobio’s head with the bouquet and offered his free hand. “C’mon.” He groaned and accepted the hand. When did it get so hard to stand up? Probably the year he graduated high school. “Since my flowers are so bad, what are you bringing him?”

“Secret.” Kageyama patted his shoulder and headed down the grass pathway.

“What?!” Oikawa whined and chased after him. “Did you see? The cherry blossoms bloomed early!” Kageyama hummed, taking in the top of each baby pink tree. “Can you believe I’m twenty-seven this year?! That’s almost thirty!” Oikawa nearly dropped the flowers in his arms trying to catch up to Tobio’s pace. “How does it feel to be young, Tobio-chan?”

“Oh, shut up… I’m only two years younger than you.” Tobio bumped him off the sidewalk with a chuckle.

“I wish we could do it all over again.”

Tobio exhaled and tipped his head back to look at the sky. “Me too. There’s so much I’d do differently.” Silently, he wished his past self could hear him. That there was so much joy and happiness ahead of him. He hoped no matter what, he wouldn’t let that happiness slip away. 

Having turned twenty-five, Kageyama had many regrets. Most were minor things he didn’t think about every day, but there was one big thing that still haunted him. 

Ten years in the future, Shouyou was no longer with them and every waking moment, Kageyama wished he’d tried harder to protect something so precious to him.


	2. Letter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Shouyou joins the volleyball team  
> -Tobio learns something about Shouyou he wishes he’d known sooner

_April 23  
Shouyou joins the volleyball team on a trial basis. Since his mother doesn’t make him lunch, I promised I’d bring one for him tomorrow. _

“Tsukki! I’m gonna go grab some bread!” Oikawa stretched his arms over his head and yawned, maneuvering out of his desk. Contagiously, Tobio did the same. He reached into his bag and pulled out his lunch.

“Oh!” Shouyou shot up next to him. “I’ll come too!”

Oikawa frowned and drummed his fingers against the redhead’s desk. “Shouyou, you don’t have lunch again today?”

“No, my mom never makes me one.” He anxiously picked at his pant leg. The letter was right again. Kageyama worried his lip between his teeth. “But you have lunch, Oikawa. You’re getting bread too?”

“Yeah, my lunch isn’t enough.” Oikawa laughed and rubbed his stomach. “I get hungry, man.”

From across the room, Iwaizumi snickered. “It’s ‘cause you’re a pig.”

“Shut up, Iwa.” Oikawa huffed and sat against the edge of Shouyou’s desk. “Your mom makes lunch for you too, right Tsukki?”

“Not really. She leaves me money to buy whatever.” Shouyou rolled his eyes and smiled.

_Ten years in the future. Shouyou is no longer with us._

Kageyama looked back at Hinata and let the warmth he’d grown accustomed to consume him. This was the one thing he just couldn’t believe. Suddenly, Oikawa clapped his hands. “Chop, chop gentlemen! Finish your lunch.”

Kageyama popped the lid off his bento and dug in. “Why the hurry?” He asked, mouth full of food.

“I thought we could play a few volleyball games together! I heard Shouyou thinks he’s can be better than you. Is that right?” He turned to Kageyama who choked on his food.

A high pitched grumble drew him back down to the earth. Shouyou clenched his fists and leaned across Kageyama’s desk. “Tobio?”

His face suddenly felt a lot warmer. “Oh, sorry…”

“You were supposed to keep that between us.” The redhead lowered his voice to a whisper and bopped him gently on the head. 

Unable to keep the cup from overflowing within him, Tobio buried his face in his hands and groaned. “Wow Shouyou, people must be violent in Miyagi!” Yamaguchi rubbed Kageyama’s back soothingly and looked incriminatingly at Hinata who held his hands up in surrender.

Hunger forgotten, Oikawa grabbed Shouyou by the back of his jacket. “Then it’s settled… let’s go!” Not putting up much of a struggle, the rest of the group gathered their stuff and headed out to the schoolyard. 

Walking through the bustling school and desperately trying to stick close to his friends felt oddly good. Typically Tobio hated crowds but knowing he had friends to follow made everything a little better. He knew what was bound to happen in the future, but maybe if he wished hard enough, all of them would remain as close as they were now. All of them.

Oikawa immediately teamed up with Tsukishima and Iwaizumi, not leaving much room for any debate. Tobio dropped his bag into the pile. “Aren’t Shouyou and I supposed to be competing against each other?”

The brunette just grinned. “Yep!”

“Then why are we playing on the same team?”

A tug on the back of Tobio’s jacket drew his attention. “Come on, Tobio. It’ll be fun!” Shouyou beamed at him and he considered relenting.

“Shouyou hasn’t told you?”

“Told me what?” The words left him slowly as he detached Shouyou’s hand from himself. 

Hinata didn’t say anything for a moment, gazing up into blue eyes in confusion. Then, like a lightbulb went off, he awed. “I’m a hitter! They want you to set for me.”

Tobio took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Objectively, setting for Hinata sounded nice, but it also felt kind of personal in a way he wasn’t sure he could describe. He looked past Shouyou, at Iwaizumi. Another time he’d be breaking his promise to himself, but he’d been doing a lot of that ever since he’d gotten the letter. “Fine.”

All of them were sweaty by the end of lunch but sated. Kageyama hadn’t been able to finish his food and his stomach was growling, yet all he could think about was short powerful legs beside him on the court. Shouyou was agile and fast as expected with his size, but he could also jump. Higher than anyone on the team could, that much was certain.

“You’re amazing, Shouyou!” Yamaguchi congratulated him as they toweled off. “You and Tobio make a great team.”

“Yeah, yeah, but did you guys see me?” Oikawa grinned wide and pointed at himself.

“Eh, you were okay.” Iwaizumi offered.

“You were on the same team as me!” The proclaimed volleyball star’s face dropped into a pout and he crossed his arms across his chest. He tapped a hand on his chin in contemplation then curled a hand around Shouyou’s wrist. “That’s fine because starting tomorrow, Shouyou will be part of the volleyball club.”

“What?!” The redhead shied away from Oikawa’s clinginess. “I applied but they still haven’t said anything about me being on the team.”

“As your upperclassmen, I formally invite you to join.” He bowed exaggeratedly.

The redhead groaned and drug a hand across his face. “I can’t… early morning practices would kill me.”

Iwaizumi was the one that came up with the idea. “Then you can just start on a trial basis! You’ll only have to go to afternoon practice.”

It still took minutes apon minutes for Shouyou to actually decide. He didn’t seem to be very good at making decisions. “If it’s only on a trial basis… fine.”

Oikawa exploded beside him. “For real!” He shook him roughly and despite being manhandled, Shouyou’s grin seemed genuine.

“Yes, for real. Now let me go.” After getting rid of Oikawa, Hinata scooped up his bag from the pile, knocking Kageyama’s aside in the process. His boxed lunch toppled out.

“Kageyama, don’t you make your own lunch?” Yamaguchi questioned on their way back to class.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well…” He looked at Shouyou. “Shouyou’s mom doesn’t make him lunch, so I was thinking…”

He shook his head. “You’re not saying what I think you’re saying, are you?” Yamaguchi shrugged as if he hadn’t posed the idea in the first place.

Of course, Shouyou was right beside them when he happened to bring this up. “What’s this about lunch?”

“Tobio was _just_ offering to make lunch for you!”

“What?!” Tobio fought the urge to wring Yamaguchi free of whatever perfect scenario he was conjuring up in his pretty little head.

“You’d do that for me, Tobio?” And the redhead practically lit up. “That’s amazing!”

Tobio couldn’t argue with that face. Hesitantly, he tugged on Shouyou’s hair, and in the most contradicting tone he agreed. “I’ll bring an extra one tomorrow.

The bright smile Hinata was wearing softened and he patted the hand in his hair. “Thanks, Tobio, but you really don’t have to. I was just kidding.” Just a joke… Kageyama drew back from Hinata with a bad taste in his mouth. It was warm that day and their proximity was only making him feel warmer, but this time it was making him itchy.

That feeling didn’t go away. It stuck, like something crawling up his spine. He couldn’t quite place it until later that night, washing the dishes. With bubbles foaming over his hands, he thought about what Hinata would say if he actually made one. It would be weird, wouldn’t it?

Tobio set the final dish on the drying rack and dried his hands. He said he was joking, it would definitely be weird. Best to stop thinking about it. Back in the safety of his room, he fell against his bed with a soft thump and rooted under the mattress for the pages of the letter. 

_April 23  
Shouyou joins the volleyball team on a trial basis. Since his mother doesn’t make him lunch, I promised I’d bring one for him tomorrow. _

Tobio popped his lips and pressed the cool paper against his forehead. 

But then I lost my nerve and didn’t. I wish I had made him lunch that day. I really regret it. On the 23rd I want you to make Shouyou a lunch and give it to him.

He jolted upright in his bed and tossed the papers to the side. His decision was made. 

Dressed for school the next morning, Kageyama checked the hallway, it was clear. He closed his door quietly and crept to the kitchen. His bento box was on the drying rack and… he reached under the sink for his dads. “What’re you doing?”

The box clattered against the sink. “Mom! You scared me!” With a huff, Kageyama turned to grab his supplies from the fridge. “I’m just making lunch.” 

She eyed the amount of prepared stuff he’d collected. “Do you have a sports festival or something? That’s a lot of food.” Kageyama just hummed in response, attention dead set on making the best lunch he’d ever made.

When they were finally done, he snapped the lids closed and flipped his dark bangs away from his forehead, they were starting to tickle. “I’m off!” He shoved both boxes into his bag, a little heavier than he was used to. Hopefully, Shouyou would like it. Or maybe he’d just be weirded out.

“Morning.” Shouyou greeted distractedly and shrugged off his bookbag. Did Tobio’s stomach just flip from something as simple as that?

“M-Morning.” And he stuttered. Great. He hid his face behind his folder. Tobio could do this, he could do this! This was ridiculous, he was at least eight inches taller than the boy beside him. Shaky hands, sweaty palms, he was terrified.

At lunchtime, he’d just shove it into Shouyou’s hands and walk away. (Super casually of course) This way he wouldn’t have to see how he reacted. Everything would be perfectly fine. Before the bell for lunch had even rung, their usual routine started. “Tsukki! Bread?” Oikawa popped the blonde on the back.

Kageyama flipped open his bag and pulled out his lunch. Shouyou finished scrawling his name on an assignment and leaned back in his seat. Tobio opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Heart roaring in his chest, he tried again. “Shou-”

Oikawa’s hands slamming against a nearby desk nearly gave him a heart attack. “Shouyou! You coming with us?” 

“Sure!” The door slid open then closed and he was gone. 

“Sh-Shouyou?” Kageyama whispered, but it was pointless, he was already gone.

His own lunch was empty, but he still had an extra. Tobio walked dejectedly down the hallway. He didn’t even know where he was going, just wandering. “Tobio?” Kageyama ran into the student in front of him. “Where are Yama and the others?” The redhead sidled up to him, packaged bread in hand. He took a bite.

“Yamaguchi and Iwa are on cleaning duty today. They said to go on ahead.”

“Oh, I’m waiting for Oikawa.” Kageyama raised a brow as Hinata chewed up another piece of bread. “You know, for volleyball.” He nodded in understanding and pressed his bag closer to his body. “What do you have in your bag? It looks bigger than normal.”

“Oh, It’s nothing.” Kageyama stalled and tried not to look too skittish.

“Come on, Tobio.” He flexed his fingers and jokingly reached for the bag. 

The lunch! “No!” He swatted the smaller hand away a little more violently than he’d intended. Shouyou’s face contorted with confusion and another emotion that definitely didn’t belong on his face. He was seriously regretting what he’d done as he watched the pale skin on Hinata’s hand turn pink from the impact. Tobio gulped and avoided eye contact. “No.”

Shouyou dropped his hand and adjusted his extra bag, presumably full of athletic wear for volleyball practice. “Right… Sorry.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked the length of the hallway alone.

If only Kageyama had never made that damn lunch. “S-Sorry.” And here he was, apologizing to the air just because he didn’t have the guts to chase after him and say it to his face. “Sorry…” Who knew things could change between two people so quickly? Tobio wished he’d never read that letter. He needed to make things right.

And that he did. The closest bench on the path out of school became his best friend for the next hour. His phone died only thirty minutes in and he was left to wallow in his guilt. It was warm and he was starting to sweat in his uniform, anxiously he tugged at his collar. Finally, Shouyou, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi came trudging down the path he was waiting beside. Before any of them saw him, Iwa and Oikawa broke off.

“Shouyou!” In preparation, he grabbed his bag and shot up from the bench. Shouyou stopped and Kageyama bowed deeply. “I’m sorry about earlier! I really am!” And then he ran.

“Tobio!” Soft footsteps chased after him. “Hang on!” A hand hooked into the back of his jacket and tugged. Kageyama stumbled and halted to a stop, a smaller body colliding with his. Slowly, he faced Shouyou awaiting his reaction. “Let’s walk home together.” Tobio’s stomach jerked with dread, this wasn’t in the letter.

The school was thinning out and his friends had gone on ahead. It was just Shouyou and him… alone, and it sure felt like it for the first few minutes of their walk. He’d apologized, now what? “Tobio, where do you live?”

He stumbled over his long legs. Legs he was sure he’d be used to by now, but apparently not. Kageyama awkwardly cleared his throat. “Uh. Near Jouyama Park. Do you-” He caught up with the smaller boy. “Do you know the way?”

“Nope.” Shouyou fixed the lapel of his jacket and flicked a piece of hair away from his face. They were fastly approaching a small park along the way home, they’d chosen a different path than the one that passed Yamaguchi’s family bakery. “Is this it?”

He swallowed. “This is Agatanomori park.” Hinata didn’t say anything after that, resigned to staring at the toes of his school shoes.

_If Shouyou looks sad, I want you to help him._

There was little written in the day's letter, but that was the one thing he remembered clear as day. Mostly because it was strange. Kageyama had never seen Shouyou sad. Sure, they’d only become friends a few weeks ago, but he was always happy. He just assumed it was a piece of his personality. “Wanna sit down?” Hinata stopped in front of a picnic table.

Shouyou took a seat and Tobio awkwardly followed. The redhead had always pegged him as the type to make friends easily, but now, sitting silently beside him, he seemed almost shy. His future self had no way of predicting this would happen. His heart was rattling his entire body. Shouyou’s stomach growled obnoxiously before he spoke. “What do you do when you go home?”

“Well,” He combed a jittery hand through his dark locks. “I used to play volleyball after school, but now… I help with dinner and stuff.”

Hinata just shook his head. “No, what do _you_ like to do?”

“I-I don’t know.”

His face flushed with joy and he giggled. “You don’t know?” There Shouyou went masking his feelings with a smile again. Tobio’s future self seemed to know he was sad deep down, but he didn’t look it. He sort of felt like he was conjuring something up out of thin air. The letter was the only proof of his sanity.

Hinata had never-ending questions. Maybe asking a few of his own would be alright? “What about you? What do you do after school, Shouyou?”

“Well… after this I’ll probably go home and play video games.” Kageyama couldn’t help but laugh. The thought of Shouyou with his tiny voice surprising online players cracked him up.

“What?!”

“Nothing, nothing.” He waved his hand nonchalantly and tightened his grip on his pant leg. “When you were out for two weeks did you spend the entire time gaming?”

Hinata’s chin lulled against his collarbone. “Yeah.” His smile was gone. Shouyou didn’t look sad, just… lost.

The easygoing personality beside him had fallen quiet, but he was feeling social now. “I’ve been meaning to ask, but why won’t you join the volleyball club? You seem to enjoy it.”

When he looked over, Shouyou’s eyes had glossed over, focused on some tree in the distance. Kageyama wondered why he’d moved here from Miyagi in the first place. Now that he’d started asking questions, he wasn’t sure he could stop. 

Hinata turned his head away, following the length of the path they’d walked. “My mother died.” The world stilled. “The day of the entrance ceremony, she committed suicide.” Kageyama fidgeted uncomfortably, his hands digging crescents through his pants. “So I was busy the whole time with her funeral and stuff.”

All he’d wanted was to get to know Hinata better, but now… he was regretting it. Shouyou was being vulnerable with him and he wasn’t sure he could reciprocate. Tobio’s throat burned with remorse for the boy beside him. The boy whose hand he’d slapped away from him because he couldn’t gather the courage to give him a lunch box. He felt stupid. “I promised my mother I wouldn’t join any clubs. She wanted me to keep my grades up.” Hinata finally noticed the tension in the air. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make things weird.”

Tobio shook his head and clenched his fists. He wanted to move, but he took a deep breath and stayed put. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business.” He huffed, the force blowing stray hairs away from his sticky forehead. “It isn’t weird though.” He forced a smile and Shouyou smiled back, barely, but it was there.

_This is the one day I don’t want you to invite him. No matter what._

On the day of the entrance ceremony, Kageyama hadn’t followed the letter’s instructions. His future self had been trying to prevent this and he’d brushed it off for a moment's fun. He was the real cause of Shouyou’s pain and that thought alone made him sick to his stomach. Hinata didn’t say anything for a while until he stood up from his seat with a sigh big enough to hold Tobio’s growing list of regrets. “Let’s go.” As Tobio watched Hinata gather his stuff, he began to realize why his future self had sent him the letter. No matter what he did he'd always have regrets, but maybe he could fix them one by one, even if he was terrified. 

“Shouyou!” Avoiding eye contact, he rummaged through his bag and pulled out the warm box of bento. He fumbled with it for a minute before offering it to his friend. “I made you lunch.” Hinata turned back around to face Kageyama and raised a brow, a hint of a smirk already emerging. “I wanted to give it to you at lunchtime, but I couldn’t…” Growing more embarrassed by the second, he insistently shook the contents of the box and narrowed the gap between them. Hinata crossed his arms. “Take it!”

And he did. He smiled down at the box like it was god itself, then looked back up at Tobio and laughed until he was wiping tears from his eyes. “You know…” He took a step closer and pinched Tobio’s arm. “I was wondering if you really made me lunch all day. And you did!” He dipped his head and snorted. “Thank you, Tobio.” When he looked up again his eyes were glassy with tears and Kageyama was left wondering whether they were tears of sadness or joy.

Shouyou clutched the box tightly against his chest. “Then I’ll bring you one tomorrow, too.” His head jerked up in surprise. “And the next day… and the day after that!” The cup was overflowing yet again, his feelings for Shouyou spilling out drop by drop. “I’ll make your lunch every day and if you don’t come to school, I’ll go to your house and give it to you there.”

Hinata blushed as red as his hair and absently picked at a hangnail. “That sounds nice.” He mumbled. Though they were a few feet apart, the distance between them felt like none, so much so, it was suffocating. Shouyou seemed to do that to him quite a lot.

\---

Shouyou’s smile was probably the one thing that kept Tobio sane for ten years. Maybe not the real deal, but the feeling it gave him never faded. “What ‘cha smiling about?” They were only a few feet from the van now and the sight of familiar faces in the distance made him feel even more nostalgic.

“Nothing.”

Oikawa patted his shoulder as if he could read his mind. “You ready? It’s been a few years since we all met up like this, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess it has.” Those familiar faces, of course, were none other than his high school friends. 

Tsukishima, who was leaning petulantly against his van, had grown taller if possible and he’d lost his glasses for contacts. Yamaguchi was practically bouncing in excitement, his style change being the only noticeable difference since their third year. And Iwa, well the childish nickname didn’t suit him anymore. He frowned, adjusting a child against his hip before checking his watch, a shiny ring on his finger.

“Thanks for bringing the car.” Oikawa grinned at Tsukishima, reaching to pat his nephew on the head.

Yamaguchi clapped his hands together and wrapped his arms around Oikawa. “Sure, no problem!”

“Um, I was the one that drove us here.” Tsukishima snapped, moody as always.

“What kind of single guy drives a minivan?” 

“ _I do._ It’s my brother’s.” The blonde pulled out his keys, which Oikawa promptly tried to steal. 

Kageyama waved his fingers at the baby in Iwa’s arms and tried to remember his name. He liked the thought of kids, but he wasn’t known to be very good with them. Someone so small left with someone so big was a recipe for disaster. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, huh?”

Iwaizumi chuckled. “Never thought I’d hear you talk like that.”

“And I thought you’d be single forever.”

“Touche, Tobio.”

His attention returned to the baby trying to wiggle its way out of his father’s arms. “He looks like you.”

“Really?” Iwa held him up beside his face as if to confirm it. “Oikawa told me otherwise.”

Said man interjected, hands grabbing for the baby and nearly dropping his bouquet. “He doesn’t look like Iwa-chan, he’s too cute!”

Iwaizumi held his baby closer to himself and turned away from Oikawa. “Uh-uh.” He shook his head. “Not until you learn how to change a diaper.” Oikawa jutted his lip out but relented. Kageyama shivered, rubbing his bare arms. It’d rained the other day, leaving the ground damp and the air chilly. “What’s with those flowers?”

He smacked Iwa’s head with them. “There for Shouyou.”

“Alright, guys! Shut up and move! We’ve already wasted enough time…” Tsukishima pressed a button on his keys and the van’s doors slid open. Yamaguchi ushered them in. “You know the way right, Oikawa?”

“Yep! That means I’m riding shotgun.”

Since they graduated, the five of them had only met up once, about a month ago. Kageyama pressed his forehead against the window's cool glass and wished there were six of them. Oikawa’s phone beeped and spewed out the next line of directions. The car was unbearably silent with a month’s distance between the friends.

“So? What did everyone bring for Shouyou?” Oikawa peeked his head over his seat.

Iwa and Yamaguchi traded glances. “It’s a secret.”

“Tsukki?”

His eyes flicked away from the road for a split second, burning into the side of Oikawa’s head. “What? It’s a secret.”

“Seriously you guys?! I wanna know!”

And though he’d been feeling forlorn only a moment ago, Tobio smiled to himself. Each of them had brought their own presents just for Shouyou. It’d been too long. Once the car stopped they’d all be together again. Standing in a circle so they could repeat their broken promises to a headstone and recount the ones the boy beneath their feet had never fulfilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two were posted pretty close to each other so you guys got lucky buttt the next chapter probably won’t be for awhile. Comments and Kudos really encourage me, I’m glad you’re enjoying this as much as I am!


	3. Letter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Shouyou buys orange juice  
> -Tobio drinks it after it’s gone warm

It took a whole eight years to bring the six of them together again after graduating high school. They’d all made plans to meet sooner, but after Shouyou, a rift grew between them. After so long spent apart, Oikawa was the one to mend their broken hearts; all with a single text. ‘To dig up their past.’ he’d said. 

Now here they were, standing on the grounds of their high school, empty for the weekend. The seven of them had buried a time capsule a year after meeting Shouyou. Oikawa and Iwaizumi before graduating, and the rest of them right before their second year. 

“This is it.” Iwaizumi peered down into the tiny hole they’d dug. Oikawa had barely broken a sweat from digging it up but by the way he was whining you’d think he’d dug a mile deep. 

Yamaguchi grinned wide. “It’s still here! I can’t believe it!”

Only one simple rule to the time capsule, the letters each of them wrote were to be addressed to their future selves ten years in the future. All seven letters were in a tin lunch box buried in a corner of the schoolyard sure not to be bothered. As they all stared at the dirt, Kageyama was certain they were thinking the same thing. Shouyou’s letter was in there.

But curiosity soon replaced whatever they were feeling and Oikawa retrieved the box, popping open the lid with a metallic clang. 

It was a wonder they’d waited the ten years they had. Tobio tried to remember what everyone had looked like ten years ago when the box went into the ground. Were they even the same people anymore? 

“Here you go, Tobio-chan!” His letter in the flesh. Oikawa’s smile faltered at his friend’s expression, but he didn’t say anything. He already knew what he was thinking. Kageyama peeled the paper open.

_Kageyama Tobio,  
How are you doing my 25-year-old self? What are you up to these days? I’m assuming you’re pursuing whatever you’ve recently set your mind on because that’s just the way you are. The way I am. Hopefully, you’re working up to the perfect job and you’re with someone who makes you happy._

When he’d tossed the letter into the box ten years ago, he was so sure he’d remember every word before he peeled it open again, but he was wrong. He’d come here prepared for painful memories to resurface, but now the dam he’d put up had broken and a flood of emotions was surging through its cracks. 

“Even ten years ago I knew I was aimless.” His laugh was unintentionally bitter as he showed his letter to Yamaguchi.

“Let me see!” Yamaguchi tucked his own letter under his arm to read Kageyama’s. “Guess you found that perfect job, Mr. Agent in Training.” Yamaguchi nudged him, teasing.

His second year of high school was pleasant, but he’d also been lost career-wise. Without volleyball, he wasn’t sure where his aim was. That lasted until Shouyou made an offhand joke about him looking good in a police uniform and his mind was set. Cop wasn’t the correct term for him anymore though, he’d been recommended to join the Federal Government by a boss and after training, his official title would be Agent.

Oikawa smiled broad and waved his letter around for everyone to see. “I wrote I’d be a professional volleyball player and I’d marry a beautiful actress.”

Tsukki clicked his tongue. “What happened to the beautiful actress?”

“For your information- I’m too busy for dating!” The brunette snapped, snatching the letter back and childishly crossing his arms. “I was a kid then, anyway. Dreams change.” He plopped down in the grass and the four followed.

“Mine says marry someone rich.” Yamaguchi giggled sheepishly and busied himself plucking a piece of grass. 

“I said: become a professional volleyball player and be more famous than Oikawa.” Iwa seemed pleased with what he’d written even though it hadn’t come true.

“Mine says doctor.” Tsukishima held up his wrinkled piece of paper.

An awkward silence fell over them. “So…” Oikawa drug out the word. “Did anyone’s wish come true?”

Tsukki sighed. “ _Some_ of us dreamed too big.”

“Hey, I could still marry someone rich. Just gotta meet the right person.” Yamaguchi shrugged and leaned back on his hands with a smirk. Some of them had dreamt bigger than others. Their childhood dreams seemed a little ridiculous now, but to Kageyama at least, they were still significant.

Iwa reached for the box and sifted through the remaining papers. “What are these?”

Oikawa smirked and pulled out a selfie. “Just a picture of some weird guy.”

“Weird guy?” Iwa’s confusion dissipated as soon as he saw the two people in the picture. “Very funny.” One of the only things Tobio remembered from the box was that picture. It was from Oikawa and Iwa’s first year of high school.

Gently, he took the remaining items from the box. A group picture and Shouyou’s letter. He swallowed, clutching the final letter tight between his fingers. The fact he’d been alive to write this and now he was gone seemed impossible. Instead, he looked at the seven smiling faces in the photo.

It was hard not to focus on Shouyou. He ended up having a growth spurt that year, only an inch or two but he’d bragged about it for weeks. His red hair was also longer in the photo, curling nicely around his ears. He was pretty, no doubt. _Was._ He felt sick.

A hand on his shoulder steadied him. “Hey, we don’t have to.” Oikawa had always been good at reading him.

“But who else is gonna read it?”

Tobio took a deep breath. “I want to know what he wished for too.” And that was the truth. He was terrified, yes, but he felt maybe Shouyou would want this.

Oikawa peeled back the paper. “Then I’ll read it. _To everyone ten years in the future, how are you all?_ ”

He’d already broken the one simple rule they’d set. He was never much of a rule follower though.

Running a finger down the page Oikawa frowned and began to read again. “ _Oikawa, You always stood tall and were an awesome volleyball player. I looked up to you a lot._ ”

“Hey!” Yamaguchi reached for the letter. “You’re just making that up, aren’t you?”

“I’m not! It says it right here!” They bumped shoulders, both looking down at the letter now. “ _When I transferred, I was worried about whether I’d fit in at my new school. I was glad you invited me that day. I really wish I’d ended up joining the volleyball club._ ”

“ _Yamaguchi, Even though you too have your down days, you were always the mediator of our group, your greatest aim was to make us happy. Even on days I was feeling down, the sight of you alone, energetic as always, could make me smile. Also, the curry bread at your family bakery was amazing!_ ” Oikawa’s voice rang loud and clear, but the air outside seemed to grow thicker by the minute. Yamaguchi glanced over his shoulder, glassy eyes meeting Tobio.

“ _Tsukki, Your tough looks always made it easy for you to pretend to be an asshole, but you never were, not to me. Your sarcastic comments only made me laugh and every once in a while you’d show a tiny bit of your true self._ ”

Yamaguchi’s laugh was watery and broken as he tapped Tsukki. “Your true self, huh?” The blonde looked at his sneakers.

“ _Iwa-chan, You were a bit scary when you got mad, but that usually only happened on our behalf. One time you stuck your neck out for Tobio and I thought you were just the coolest person on earth!_ ”

Oikawa stared hard at one of the few remaining paragraphs and glanced up at Kageyama. “Are you sure, Tobio? We don’t-”

“Just read it.” He had to know now, Shouyou’s thoughts about him written on paper, one of the only physical things left to show they even knew each other.

“ _Tobio, You once told me you only used to think of yourself, but that was hard for me to believe. You always put the people you loved before you. As long as we were happy, you were too. Like when we played volleyball together for the first time. Even though we’d just met, you broke the promise you’d made for me. I hope ten years from now, you’re all the same wonderful people and that you’re all still friends laughing with one another._ ”

A quietness unlike the ones before gripped the group as they all stared. Kageyama picked at a cuticle and considered opening his mouth. Yamaguchi got to it first. “And?”

Oikawa folded the letter back up with a look unreadable. “That’s it.”

“He didn’t write anything about himself? You’re lying!” The friends' silence quickly split into hysteria, Yamaguchi’s meek protests stirring something bottled within them. 

Now even Oikawa was getting worked up, eyebrows furrowed, he unfurled the letter again and shoved it in Yamaguchi's face. “I’m not lying! See?!”

“But…” The paper crinkled obnoxiously in Yamaguchi’s hands. “But what about Shouyou’s future?” His voice wavered and at the drop of a pin, he was yelling. “Everyone was supposed to write about their dreams! We were supposed to write letters to our future selves!” Violently, he shoved the paper back against Oikawa’s chest as if he knew the answer. “So tell me! Why didn’t he write anything?!”

“I don’t know! Ask Shouyou!” Oikawa’s head lulled against his chest. They couldn’t ask Shouyou either.

Yamaguchi was the first to let a tear fall. “Why?” He threw his head back to scream at the sky. “Why, Shouyou?!” His shoulders shook with each question.

Tobio brought a hand to his own cheek, the cool wetness surprising him. And then there was another, and then another. Everyone seemed to fade into the distance, his fingers going numb, then his hands, then his arms. With every second that passed, another tear was shed. Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and even Tsukki crying so loud they hoped Shouyou could hear them, wherever he was.

Shouyou was killed in a traffic accident the winter of his second year. Everything had been perfect, but in a split second, things changed. They all cried that day, harder than ever before, just like they were now.

Tsukki took a gulp of air, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “Maybe Shouyou… Maybe Shouyou knew he didn’t have a future.” Tobio blinked the bleariness away, drops persistently sticking to his eyelashes. Chest rising faster with each breath, he realized the severity of Tsukishima's words. “But the only way he would have known is if he _chose_ to die the way he did.”

“But-” Oikawa tripped over his words, blubbering through his tears. “That would mean it wasn’t an accident at all…” Gasps and then they wept louder this time. Even after he was dead, the list of things Tobio didn’t know about him seemed to grow and grow.

Throat tight like he was struggling to swallow his pounding heart, Kageyama yelled Shouyou’s name as loud as he could. Pleading for an answer for his choices. What could he have done differently? If Shouyou had decided his own fate, it could’ve been stopped. They could’ve tried harder to make him happy, and paid closer attention to him. 

Tsukishima shook his head slowly, his breath finally evening and his tears drying. “After all that, we weren’t even able to live up to Shouyou’s hope for the future. We’re not as close as we were back in high school.”

Yamaguchi bobbed his head. “Ever since Shouyou died, Oikawa and Iwaizumi have done nothing but fight.”

Oikawa wiped his tears, looking up from the grass. “Let’s go to Shouyou’s place.”

Shouyou’s place. Warmth filled Kageyama, along with memories. Although it’d been a while since he’d been in Shouyou’s house, he could practically smell it. His entire house always smelled like he did, oranges. Tobio had never figured out if Shouyou smelled that way because of his laundry detergent or his shampoo.

“We couldn’t celebrate Shouyou’s birthday before, so let’s do it now.” The tallest was smiling broadly now through his tears. “Let’s make at least one wish come true. Let’s stay close and keep being friends.” 

If Kageyama could press rewind, the first thing he would do was return to Shouyou’s side, just for the feeling of it. And this time, he wouldn’t leave. Not even for a second.

\---

_May 1  
Shouyou’s one week trial period with the volleyball team ends, but instead of officially joining, he quits. Please get him to join the club. The truth is, I think he really wants to._

“Good morning!” Shouyou’s shoulder slammed against the doorframe with a painful bang. He whined and the boy who had hip-checked him into the frame in the first place laughed.

Kageyama just carded a hand through his hair, sighing at Oikawa's typical antics. “Morning!” Shouyou finally mustered a smile, stepping into the classroom.

“Morning.” Tobio nodded. Getting Shouyou to join the volleyball team seemed like a piece of cake compared to all the other assignments he’d been given.

Slamming a fist against his desk, Oikawa cleared his throat obnoxiously, gaining the attention of the remaining three friends. “Everyone! Your attention please!”

“Whatever it is, we don’t care.” Tsukki sighed, leaning against his hand.

The brunette scoffed. “It’s important!” He grabbed Shouyou’s elbow, dragging him to his side. “I present to you… the newest member of the volleyball team!” 

Tobio was waiting for Shouyou to deny it, but he only smiled and sheepishly rubbed his neck. Here he was thinking it’d take a little more persuasion. “Seriously? Your trial period is over?” Yamaguchi broke into a grin, shooting up from his seat.

The redhead seemed to glow at the praise. “I was only gonna try it out, but Oikawa begged me to join. It wasn’t pretty.”

Iwaizumi sighed. “Tell me about it.”

“Okay, no need to be mean about it.”

Kageyama’s stomach filled with bubbles, he swallowed, his face burning with excitement. The future was already changing. Everything he’d read so far was coming true. 

“Hey, Tobio.” The redhead took his seat. “Starting tomorrow, I’ll have to get up early for practice. I’m leaving the wake-up calls to you!” He wiggled his phone for emphasis before slipping it into his bag.

“You’re making me wake up early, too?” Shouyou only giggled at that, his head falling back.

Even the small things he’d done were already changing things. Just making Shouyou’s lunch and doing things differently than he had before was already making the future a better place. Did that mean Shouyou was alive ten years in the future or not? And if things did change, where would his letters go? Did the fact he still had them now mean Shouyou hadn’t been saved yet? Time travel was a tricky thing to discern.

Obviously, the future had changed maybe not by a lot, but enough to make a difference. Kageyama gathered his books after class, stumbling out into the hallway with that on his mind. A tug on the back of his jacket brought his thoughts to a halt. “Tobio! Why the hell do you walk so fast?” Of course it had to be Shouyou. He looked down at his long legs and the redhead bit back a smile, meeting Tobio’s gaze. “Something on your mind?”

He scrambled for an answer on the spot, eyes glued to Shouyou’s face. A little distracting to say the least. “Yeah.” Was all he managed, anxiously curling his hand in the leftover warmth from Shouyou’s hand.

The smaller boy turned away with a wave, peeking over his shoulder, he smirked almost knowingly. “Watch where you’re going or you might bump into something!” Ironic coming from him, he nearly bumped into an upperclassman while his head was turned.

Luckily, she smiled. “Morning!” Shouyou bowed respectfully and continued on his way, but for some reason, Tobio couldn’t. Perhaps it was the way the older girl looked at him.

Tobio caught up to Shouyou who smiled at him. “Do you know her?” Sometimes it was easy to forget Shouyou was new to the school. He shrugged. “She’s always watching our volleyball practices.”

“Well, I don’t _really_ know her.” Kageyama slipped his hands in his pockets. “Her name is Ueda, she’s a third-year student like Oikawa and Iwa.” He bit his lip, looking away from Shouyou. “She’s pretty popular.”

“Oh, yeah?” His eyes followed Ueda as she crossed the school courtyard. She glanced back, a pleasant flush on her cheeks. Kageyama’s skin crawled with jealousy.

_May 2  
We have a short school day before the long holiday, only four hours. Ueda confesses to Shouyou during a break between classes. Shouyou accepts and they start going out._

He crumpled the paper in his hands and squinted as the rising sun shone into his dimly lit room. Birds chirped from the tree outside his window. “Shit.” He scrambled out from under his sheets and crossed the room to unplug his cell phone.

Unlocking it, he found the tiny icon of Shouyou’s face and rang him. The line buzzed a few seconds before someone picked up. It always hurt to remember Shouyou didn’t have a mother to wake him. “Hello?” Silence. “Shouyou? It’s time to wake up.” Garbled words filled the silence this time and sheets rustled as Shouyou groggily shifted. “Sho, you there?”

He groaned. “G’morning.” His voice was still scratchy with sleep. Tobio laughed and Shouyou whined, his pout radiating through the phone.

Kageyama teased him for being half asleep and as Shouyou began to talk about how much practice was going to kill him today, he found the letter he’d been reading. 

_Shouyou accepts and they start going out._

But that could change. He remembered how willingly Shouyou had joined the volleyball team and smiled at the letter. Nothing his future self predicted was certain, not anymore.

Waking up in the morning for Shouyou really hadn’t been too much of a hustle. Ever since his friend started the volleyball team on a trial basis, Kageyama had been missing the sport more than he’d like to admit. So, rather than playing, he took on cleanup duty.

In simple terms, he helped with sports equipment and water on game days. He’d be able to watch Shouyou’s first volleyball game for free. Tobio adjusted the boxes stacked in his hands, tennis rackets threatening to spill out of the top one.

“Need a hand?” Sweaty after just finishing practice, the shorter of the two took a swig of his water bottle and wiped his shiny forehead.

Kageyama respectfully looked away, Shouyou’s t-shirt was sticking endearingly to his skin. “Are you sure? It’s heavy?”

“Duh, two boxes. One for each of us!” He discarded his water bottle and jogged over. Slowly, he slipped the box of tennis rackets out of Kageyama’s hands. Shouyou sighed at the weight, pulling it close to his chest. Tobio thought the boys’ arms looked nice, sweaty, and flexing with the exertion. He walked a few steps ahead, back tensing every few seconds to adjust the weight. “Thanks for waking me up this morning.”

“No problem.” He swallowed the words he wanted to say. Like how cute he sounded in the morning or how he was so easily irritable. Selfishly, Tobio hoped what he’d done so far would change Shouyou’s answer to Ueda. 

In his own opinion, Ueda didn’t seem like Shouyou’s type at all. Sure, she was pretty and popular, an upperclassmen, someone who would take care of Shouyou, yet there was something he didn’t like about her, but if dating Ueda would make Shouyou happy, who was he to change that?

Shouyou’s steps slowed. “Tobio?” He hummed. “Is there someone you like?” He nearly dropped his box, glad Shouyou was still looking straight ahead because he was sure his face had just blossomed fifty shades of red. The redhead glanced over his shoulder. “Well?”

If he told Shouyou the truth, what would he say? Funny, his hands were trembling but obviously he didn’t say what he was thinking. “I- No, there isn’t.” Maybe if the question hadn’t been such a surprise, Kageyama would’ve considered telling the truth. “Is there someone _you_ like?”

Tobio balled his shaky hands wishing he wasn’t carrying a big dumb box. Shouyou’s labored breath fell disturbingly quiet. “Nah. Not really.”

The truth hurt Tobio more than he had hoped it would. “What about Ueda?” He’d cover his unfiltered mouth if only his hands weren’t full.

“I like her face.” A simple answer, really, but it felt like it had a different meaning. What meaning? Kageyama wasn’t sure. He shook his bangs away from his forehead, overtly concerned about his appearance.

“Hey, Oikawa! Go buy us some drinks.” Yamaguchi sighed, dropping his head down against his desk. It was starting to get warm now, the wind blowing in from the cracked windows doing little more than make them sweat. Three hours later, the six of them had chosen to spend their break in class.

The setter frowned. “Go buy them yourself.”

“But Oikawa…” He whined. “The vending machines are only two steps away for you.” 

Stroking his ego always seemed to work, but not this time, it was too hot. Oikawa rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, his forearms shiny. “I’m not that tall.”

“I’ll take a soda!” Beside him, Iwa leaned back on his elbows. 

Shouyou looked up from his phone. “Me too.”

“Me three.”

Oikawa groaned, mustering the strength to rock himself up from his desk. “No way! Rock, paper, scissors!” He shoved his hand in Shouyou’s face.

“Fine…” The redhead mumbled, letting his phone hit his desk. “Rock, paper, scissors!” Oikawa, being the brighter of the two, threw paper and Shouyou threw rock. “Damn it!” He slammed his fist against his desk.

“I’ll take a soda.” Iwaizumi didn't even spare him a minute.

“And I’ll have a juice.” Yamaguchi nodded towards Shouyou, who’d already pulled out a scrap of paper.

“I can’t remember all of this…” He mumbled to himself as he scribbled everyone’s drink onto the sheet. Kageyama smiled, content to keep to himself, just watching Sho try was amusing in itself. “And you, Tobio?”

He jumped, head slipping from his hand. “Oh, uh… I’m fine. I don’t want anything.”

Shouyou frowned, eyeing the sweat beading on Tobio’s brow no doubt. “Really? It’s hot as hell and we just got done with gym, aren’t you thirsty?” The corner of his lip twitched into a smirk, “Come on, what would you like?”

Kageyama furrowed his brows. “Anything’s fine.”

“ _Anything?_ Even cold canned coffee? Even red bean soup?”

Tobio chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. “Okay, you can stop teasing me.”

The redhead leaned closer, pressing the butt of his pen into his upper lip. He stared for a long moment until his facade cracked. He grinned, tapping the pen that had been pressed against his lip to Tobio’s nose. “Then you're not fine with anything!”

Kageyama jerked back, nearly getting himself stabbed in the eye. Now he was definitely in need of a cool drink. “Orange juice. I’ll have orange juice.”

Shouyou shot out of his seat, ruffling Tobio’s hair on his way out. “Got it!”

His eyes followed him even after he left. Shouyou brought light wherever he went, no exceptions.

_“If all you do is live with it… then that’s not much of a life.”_

His heart thrummed blissfully in his chest, his feelings for Shouyou only deepening. Judging by the look on Oikawa’s face, Tobio knew he was grinning like an idiot.

“Look!” Yamaguchi laughed, pushing the classroom window open to peer out. “There’s Shouyou!”

“Sure you can carry all of that, chibi-chan?!” Oikawa joined him.

Although he rolled his eyes, Kageyama couldn’t deny his curiosity. The four of his friends were already crowding one of the cracked windows, so he took his own, shoving the window up enough to wave down at Shouyou. He tried to wave back, nearly dropping a can before clumsily stumbling forward to save it.

Tobio bit back a cheesy grin. From up here, Shouyou really did seem small and cute, trying to hold all the drinks either in his arms or his small hands. He squinted up at them. “Sorry Iwaizumi, your soda might explode! I dropped it on the way back!” Iwa shouted something back at Shouyou but Tobio was too mesmerized to care, somehow the sun made Hinata shine even brighter.

Then there was a girl standing beside him and things didn’t seem so bright anymore. 

“And Shouyou’s been cornered.” Oikawa laughed so nonchalantly it made something twitch inside of him.

“Hey… Is that Ueda?” The twitch was growing stronger now. “She was hiding in the shadows like a vampire!”

Iwaizumi craned his neck, desperately trying to listen in. “Sucks we can’t hear them. What if she’s asking him out?” And there it was. Tobio’s whole body tensed. It was too hot, the sun was too bright, and he was no longer thirsty.

He stepped away from the window and took a much-needed seat. That was exactly what Ueda was doing and Shouyou’s answer was too much for him to stomach. 

It only took a few more minutes for the redhead to return, promised drinks in hand. Iwaizumi took his soda deliberately slow, eyeing Shouyou suspiciously. “So, what did Ueda want? Is she in love with you or what?”

He shrugged, still as happy as before. “I guess so.”

“What did you say?!” Oikawa poked and prodded him, waggling his eyebrows.

He handed the brunette his drink. “I said I needed to think about it.”

Yamaguchi’s jaw nearly dropped at such minuscule news. “Shouyou! You’re such a player. Who’d have thought?”

The redhead merely rolled his eyes, obviously playing into his imagination. “You got your money for the drink?” Yamaguchi smiled sheepishly and forked it over.

Kageyama looked away, gazing distraught out the window for a second and a carton tapped his desk. “Here you go, Tobio. They only had the little juice boxes, is that okay?”

He picked it up, thumbing the little oranges on the front with a sad smile. “Yeah, this is what I usually get. How much do I owe you?”

Shouyou snorted, cheeks rosy, and averted his eyes. “Seeing you hold something so small is kind of funny.” Yet again, Kageyama’s heart swelled and for a minute he forgot all about Ueda. “And no worries. You always make me such awesome lunches! It’s the least I can do.”

The bell broke the trance and the pair jolted. Shouyou pointed that out, of course, laughing until the teacher came in. He’d just drink his orange juice after class.

_Just before fourth period, Shouyou says he forgot his pencil case so I lend him my pencil and eraser. At the end of class, when you get the mechanical pencil and eraser back from Shouyou, peel off the eraser covering and look inside. Tell him how you really feel._

Just as the teacher began to lecture, Shouyou groaned softly, digging through his bookbag. “I forgot my pencil case…”

Tobio grabbed the eraser and pencil he’d purposefully left on his desk. “Here, you can borrow mine.”

Impressed, Shouyou pursued his lips. “You sure? Even your eraser?”

He held it out more insistently. “I have extra.”

Shouyou looked delighted as he accepted. “Wow, Tobio! It’s like you predicted the future.”

“Yeah…”

He didn’t want Shouyou to date Ueda. That much he was sure of, but the twitching inside of him had grown so big it was starting to scare him. Was it just selfishness? A desperate attempt to keep Shouyou all to himself? He clicked his pen wishing someone would just tell him what to do.

“Thanks, Tobio.” Just as predicted, Shouyou returned the pencil and eraser as soon as the final bell rang, gathering his stuff. 

Oikawa popped his head in the doorway. “Pick up the pace, Sho. We’ve gotta get to practice.”

“Can’t.” He nudged his partner on the way out. “I’ve got cleaning duty today.” Oikawa sighed dejectedly.

“Tobio.” Finally, he slipped his book bag over his shoulder. Iwa smiled. “We’ve got cleaning duty, too.”

“Oh, yeah!” Unthinkably, he shoved the pencil and eraser into his case and discarded his bag. “Where should we start?”

Cleaning ended up taking longer than expected and by the time Kageyama and Iwa had finished, most of the students had cleared out for sports, clubs, or already headed home. After waving Iwaizumi off to volleyball practice, Tobio found the silence to be comforting. Gave him time to think. 

“Oh no…” The note! Not bothering to check if anyone was around, Tobio started towards his homeroom. It wouldn’t be long before Shouyou headed home.

Thankfully, the class was barren and he stopped to catch his breath, reaching for his pencil case. What if the note wasn’t there?

_When Shouyou gave me my eraser back that day, I never realized he left me a message inside the cover._

If only he’d known the first time, the future would be different. It had to be there. He pressed his thumb against the eraser paper. It felt bigger, how hadn’t he noticed before. Careful not to rip it, he slid the paper back to reveal a tiny folded square. A sheet of notebook paper folded to the size of an eraser.

Tobio unfurled it. He frowned. The list of their drinks? The paper was ridiculously creased and Shouyou’s handwriting was hardly discernible, but he laughed to himself softly. This was the note he’d left? He flipped it, nearly crumpling it up, but that was when he saw it: _Do you think I should go out with Ueda?_

What was he supposed to say to that? He bit his lip, idling for a second before he tugged his chair out and sat down. Hopefully, Shouyou was still around. In a rush, he ripped a piece of paper from his notebook and messily scrawled down what he wanted to say. Not bothering to pack up his stuff he took off towards the locker banks.

He hadn't seen Shouyou anywhere so he'd just have to pray he was still at school. Taking deep breaths of air, he hunched over himself. Not playing volleyball had really knocked his stamina down a notch.

Everything was going to be fine. He slipped the note inside Shouyou’s locker and reassured himself once again. Regardless of what he wrote, Shouyou wasn’t going to die, not on his hands.

“Hey, Tobio! We were looking for you. Get over here!” When he made it back to his classroom, half of his friends were already there waiting for him. Yamaguchi waved him over to the window.

“What’s going on?” Cautiously, he joined, peering out into the courtyard. Down below, Shouyou was beaming, hands shoved in his pockets, Ueda beside him. Throat constricting, he gripped the window sill.

“Look! He’s talking to Ueda again. She said she wants to hear his reply.”

They were too far away to hear the redhead's answer but Shouyou smiled, looking down at the girl. Looking down. She was one of the few girls smaller than him, they were perfect for each other. Ueda turned away from Shouyou with a laugh not even half as bright as his.

Yamaguchi leaned out the window and cupped his hands around his mouth. “Shouyou! What did you say?”

He looked up, face flushed with joy, and held up a heart. Around Tobio, his friends whooped and hollered. “Looks like I won’t be able to hang out during break!”

“Yeah, cause you’ll be getting busy with your girlfriend!”

Stupid. Tobio turned away from his friends, darting out of the classroom. Of course, Ueda was a girl. A cute popular girl. “Tobio? Where are you going?” Iwaizumi grabbed him by the wrist.

He flicked him off. “I have something I need to do.” He barely noticed Oikawa, fresh from practice, brushing past him in the hallway. “I’m going home.”

“Tobio?!” Halfway out the door, he choked up, stumbling through his tears. Oikawa’s footsteps followed him. “Are you alright?”

Kageyama’s voice was hardly a whisper. “I’m fine.”

Gently, the brunette brushed his hand against Shouyou’s shoulder, turning him around. “You like Shouyou… don’t you?” How did he know? He probably thought he was gross, but Oikawa only looked at him with sympathy. Before he really did cry, he slapped Oikawa away and sprinted out the door.

Running towards home, the tears finally started to come, drying as the wind hit his face. Another regret he wasn’t able to fix ingraining itself as part of the future. He prayed his future self would be able to forgive him because all he’d managed to write on that note was: _Don’t._

“Hey honey, how was school?” His mom greeted him with her usual smile, but this time it felt too happy, he just wanted to be alone. “What would you like for dinner?”

“I’m not hungry.” He muttered. 

His stomach was churning too much to eat anything anyway and like all the life had left his body, he collapsed into his desk chair and started to weep again. The tears never seemed to stop. He cried until he was hysterical. Hiccuping, he dug through his book bag and pulled out his box of warm orange juice, stabbing the straw into it with shaking hands. 

The taste of that orange juice was sweet, yet sour. 

The taste of his sorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter- it’s probably my favorite so far and it took a very, very long time to write... <3


	4. Letter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Shouyou has a secret  
> -Tobio has too many feelings

After Shouyou’s mother passed, he lived in his grandmother's house just outside Nagano. Heading there now, Kageyama realized this would be the second time all of them were visiting his house.

An older woman opened the door. “Good afternoon, I’m Oikawa. We spoke on the phone the other day.”

She smiled and ushered them in. “Good afternoon.” Tobio held back, the last to enter the warm home. It smelled as expected, oranges. He took a deep breath. Shouyou’s grandma was beautiful for her age. She and Shouyou shared the same smile. “It’s so nice of you to come visit Shouyou.” The last time they’d been to his house was for his funeral. 

Iwaizumi hushed his baby, rubbing his back soothingly and Oikawa dug in the diaper bag he was carrying, pulling out a pacifier. “How sweet.” Shouyou’s grandmother cooed, rubbing her finger against the baby’s cheek. “Is this little one yours?”

He nodded, holding up his wedding ring. “Yep, I’m married.”

“Ah, so Iwaizumi is married.”

That was what he’d been waiting for. “You remember us?” Tobio finally spoke.

Her eyes softened as she looked him up and down. “Of course! You may have grown up but I can tell you’re the same warm person you were back then. I’ve heard so many stories about all of you.” She paused, resting a shaky hand on his shoulder. “Especially _you,_ Tobio.”

His cheeks flushed pleasantly at the news. He’d never realized Shouyou spoke to his grandmother about his friends, about him. There was so much he’d never gotten to talk to Shouyou about, so many things Tobio wanted to tell him, ask him. He’d always regret not having the courage to speak out when Shouyou called out to him that day. What was it he’d been trying to tell him? Even ten years later, Tobio still wasn’t sure.

\---

After writing the note, Tobio was left wondering what Shouyou thought when he read it for the entirety of Golden Week. To ease the tension, he invited Shouyou along with the rest of their friends to get ice cream, but he denied, claiming Ueda and him were going on a date that day. 

So, the two didn’t see each other until the day after break. Shouyou was already at his locker when Tobio got to his own. It was silent between the two, only the sound of their belongings sliding against metal. “Morning.” He managed.

Shouyou swallowed loudly, the idle chit-chat between students fading into the background. “How come you didn’t wake me up this morning?” Every word from his mouth felt forced. Tobio clenched his fists. What was there to say? Afraid any noise might cause Shouyou to snap, he closed his locker silently. “I missed volleyball practice.”

“Sorry.”

Shouyou stared harder at his locker, his shoulders tensing. “It’s totally fine, but did you forget, or what?”

“No, it’s just… you have a girlfriend now. I thought maybe it might be unfair to her.” Shouyou’s eyes snapped to him so fast he almost lost his nerve, he looked at the ground. “I didn’t make your lunch today either. I thought Ueda would want to do that now.”

“Oh.” He nodded, his smile practically a grimace. “Well, thanks for everything. I know it was a hassle, but I really appreciated those lunches.” He waved and hiked his backpack higher up on his shoulder. “Sorry for being such a pain.”

Tobio couldn’t do anything but stand there as Shouyou wandered through the locker banks. His mouth was too dry and no words were coming out. He waved back uselessly. 

Making Shouyou’s lunch had _never_ been a pain. After all, it was the reason they two had gotten so close. Every time Shouyou received his lunch, he always smiled his usual smile and thanked him. And without a doubt, Tobio’s heart would throb once more. 

“Shouyou!”

He turned, a sliver of hope on his face. “Yeah?”

A similar shout from down the hall and the look disappeared. As bubbly as ever, Ueda rounded Tobio. With how small she was in comparison, he sort of felt like a roadblock. Her bunny keychain jingled loudly as she approached Shouyou, slipping her hand into his. “Morning, cutie!”

Her smile felt oddly strained as she stared him down. Shoyuou barely acknowledged her, his gaze never faltering and his hand still slack in hers. “What is it, Tobio?”

Concealing shaky hands in his pockets as casually as he could, he shrugged off what he was aching to say and looked the other way. “Never mind.” Calling Shouyou every morning and making him lunch every day didn’t seem fair to Ueda, even if he was just doing it as a friend.

By lunch, he still wasn’t feeling very hungry. Dissecting it was his only entertainment. Yamaguchi whined, spinning the plastic straw to his juice box between his fingers. “Where’s Shouyou?”

Tsukki flipped to the next page of his book and took a big bite of his sandwich. “Off with his girlfriend.”

“Jeez, don’t talk with your mouth full!” Thoroughly disgusted, Yamaguchi turned to Iwa. “So he’s off with Ueda again, huh?”

“She keeps coming to see him between classes.” Tobio officially had his fill of Ueda for the day. He took a hesitant bite of his lunch, staring hard at his dirty sneakers. Iwa cleared his throat. “You know, I can’t stand that girl.”

Yamaguchi, catching on quickly, bobbed his head and prodded Kageyama on the shoulder. “I can’t stand her either. All she does is cling to Shouyou.”

He looked up, two concerned faces staring back at him. Eventually, Iwaizumi tipped back in his chair to shake his head at the ceiling. “Shouyou needs to decide between us or his girlfriend.”

“It’s only been about a month since Shouyou moved to Nagano, right?” Yamaguchi pondered, shoving his lunch out of the way for more important matters. Although neither of them would ever admit it, they loved to gossip and Tobio was always around to listen in.

“Ueda is from Miyagi too, isn’t she? I guess they’ve got that in common.”

“And she’s hot.” Tsukishima chuckled through another bite of food.

“Shut up, Tsukki.”

The room fell silent. “Still… Why did Shouyou have to ditch us for some girl?” The words were simple but brought back in ache Tobio had been pushing down. 

Iwaizumi groaned regretfully. “We should have stopped them when we had the chance.”

There was a chance, Tobio was tempted to say. But he’d blown it. If he’d looked at the eraser earlier that day things could’ve been different. Or if he’d just talked to Shouyou directly instead of writing a note like a coward. Maybe living life without any regrets was impossible. Even knowing the future and all.

“Hey, Tobio.” Iwaizumi nudged him. He’d been spacing out yet again. “You’re not hiding something from us, are you?”

“Huh?” Blood rose to his face. Hiding what? His feelings for Shouyou or the letter? “Nope!”

The two boys only exchanged a knowing glance and shrugged. Silently, Kageyama thanked them for not prying.

_May 17  
After Shouyou and Ueda start dating, I don’t talk to him as much anymore. Today was the day Shouyou spoke to me for the first time in a while, but I spotted Ueda as soon as he called my name and turned my back to him. This time wouldn’t be the last time I ignored Shouyou. If he calls out to you, I want you to respond. No matter what. And don’t just wait for him to speak to you: Initiate a conversation. I’m sure you’ll think of something to say._

Starting a conversation was a lot harder than his future self had expected. Not that Tobio couldn’t think of something to say, there were about a million things he’d love to tell Shouyou, but talking to him was near impossible with Ueda (as Yamaguchi and Iwa put it) clinging to him every waking second. 

Even worse, every time Ueda caught sight of him within a ten-foot range of Shouyou, she gave him the nastiest look. Sure, Tobio was easily twice the size of the girl height-wise, but he couldn’t just sock her. That would be a disaster. One she was a girl, two he’d look like an asshole.

Kageyama hugged his books tighter against his chest. It was nice to think about though. When would be the best time to talk to Shouyou? Lunch? Maybe after school? He combed the courtyard during his lunch period, instantly spotting bright red hair nothing more than ten feet from where he was. Shouyou pulled down the wrapper of his burger and took a bite, peering up from his phone.

Tobio froze amidst all the students meeting up with their friends for lunch. This was the perfect time, Ueda was nowhere to be seen.

Shouyou saw him first, eyes going wide. Quickly, he wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve and shoved his burger into its paper bag. “Tobio! I need to talk to you!” He stood up from the bench, and for once, he wasn’t smiling. He looked serious.

_If he calls out to you, I want you to respond._

Tobio stared back, conflicted. Just behind him, Ueda bumped hips with one of her girlfriends, giggling loudly. “Shouyou!” She exclaimed and Tobio turned away, pretended he hadn’t heard the redhead in the first place.

His future self sure had it easy, assuming he would have the courage to fix every little mistake he’d made. Writing what he should have done on paper was a lot different than actually doing it in the pressure of the moment. What if Tobio called out to Shouyou and he didn’t turn around? What if he just wouldn’t talk to him? 

What if talking to Shouyou made a bigger mess of things than he already had?

_May 21  
After school, I say bye to Shouyou causing him and Ueda to get into a big fight. I felt bad about it so I went home without talking to Shouyou. Later, I learned Shouyou was worried about something. If only I’d realized what was going on in his head, but I was too caught up in my own problems. I think Shouyou was carrying regrets of his own._

Tobio was counting down the seconds until the end of the day, he loitered at his locker a little longer than usual, unbuttoning the front of his blazer. It was too hot for this. Oddly enough, he felt like a predator stalking its prey waiting for Shouyou. He stabbed into his box of orange juice and took a sip, the taste instantly reminding him of the comment about his hands.

“Bye-bye.” A figure brushed past him, their voice recognizable even in a crowd.

Hunched over, the smaller boy made for the exit. “Wait, Shouyou!” He nearly forgot what he’d been waiting for.

“Shouyou!” That voice was also recognizable, but not in a good way. Ueda shoved past Tobio, elbowing his arm in the process which just so happened to be holding his box of juice. He barely had time to react as the box squished against his chest, squirting juice that was sure to stain down the front of his white button-up.

The empty box hit the floor with a deafening thunk and all he could do was stand there, staring at the dripping orange stain. 

Ueda tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Oh, sorry.” Her voice was flat and ungenuine, expected of someone without a soul.

Shouyou, however, rushed to her side, fists clenched. “What’s your problem?!”

The happiness she’d harbored for seeing Shouyou dissipated. “What?!” She scowled. “I bumped into him, that’s all!”

But Shouyou wasn’t having any of that. He looked at Tobio, arms awkwardly hovering in front of his sticky shirt. “Apologize for real!”

“No!” She shouted back, her body shaking with repressed tears. “You apologize to me! You’re always staring at that stupid redneck! Why can’t you pay attention to me?!”

Ignoring her shouts of protest, Shouyou neared Tobio, grimacing at the stain on his shirt. “I’ll go grab some towels from the locker rooms.” Tobio stared down into warm eyes swimming with nothing but concern and nodded dumbly.

Just behind the redhead, Ueda snapped, eyes overflowing with frustrated tears. No, he was supposed to stop them from fighting… “Shouyou, you idiot!” She mustered, swinging her bag around and taking off down the hallway. 

They’d gotten into a fight all because he’d called out to Shouyou. If he’d just stayed by the locker banks, Ueda wouldn’t have bumped into him. If he hadn’t bought orange juice, he wouldn't have spilled it all over himself. 

“Tobio?”

His hands fell slack at his sides, content with the wetness seeping through his shirt. “I’m fine, sorry.”

“But… your shirt.” Shouyou raised a brow, but Tobio said nothing more as he rounded him, making a beeline for the nearest bathroom.

Tobio knew Shouyou was watching him as he left, but he couldn’t say what he’d planned. If all he was going to do was cause Shouyou more pain or get him in trouble with his girlfriend, then he just wouldn’t talk to him at all. His walk quickly became a sprint as he rounded the corner, he just needed to get away. 

He nearly bumped foreheads with the student who’d happened to turn the same time as him, dropping his book bag on the floor. “Sorry…” Hopefully, he hadn’t gotten orange juice on the unfortunate kid.

“What… happened to you?” That voice… He looked up from his crouch for his bag. Ah, Oikawa. The brunette furrowed his brows in confusion before glimpsing down the hallway Tobio had come running from. “Tobio…” He murmured. “You can’t keep running away.” Gently, he offered a hand to his friend and quite literally pulled him from the ground.

This definitely hadn’t been in the letter. Yet again, his decisions had affected the direct future. “But-” He shook his head, clutching his bag between his hands. “Ueda and Shouyou got into a fight because of me. I know I need to just stay out of it but…” Eyes burning and lip quivering, Tobio sighed. “I have things I want to talk to him about.”

Oikawa laughed and comfortingly squeezed his friend's shoulder. “And it’s okay for you to talk to him. We’re all friends aren’t we?” The older boy scowled, his hand falling limp. “Besides, I’m pretty pissed… he’s been skipping volleyball practice.”

Skipping volleyball practice? Maybe Shouyou really did have something else going on… “Shouyou wants to talk to you too, y’know? But he said it never seems to end well so he’s been staying quiet.”

“Really?” Kageyama had completely forgotten Shouyou spoke to Oikawa every morning and every night, regardless of whether he wanted to or not. The brunette could be very pushy when he wanted to be. 

His friend sighed as if he was the epitome of stupid, but that wasn’t anything Tobio wasn’t already used to. “Running away just makes it harder on Shouyou.” 

He’d never thought about it that way. Up until now, he’d been protecting himself at the cost of Shouyou when the whole time, they were both as nervous to speak to each other as the other. Even though Shouyou had been the first to muster the courage, all Tobio had done was turn his back on him. How would it have felt if Shouyou had done the same to him? Awful, he realized. 

“I’m going to go find him and be completely honest with him!” Courage restored, he turned to run back down the hallway when Oikawa caught his arm. 

“That’s a good idea and all, but…” He rummaged in his bag, offering the shirt he’d worn for practice. “Maybe change your shirt first?”

He chuckled sheepishly, looking down at his ruined uniform. “Good idea.”

There were things his future self wished he’d told Shouyou, that maybe if he had, Shouyou would still be with him. But he was here now, and Tobio had been taking that for granted. Even if their conversation didn’t go well, at least in this reality, both of them still had a chance.

Kageyama shoved his button-up into his bookbag, stumbling down the front entrance stairs to catch up to the object of his concentration. “Shouyou!” He stopped, out of breath. “Shouyou! Wait!”

The redhead slowed, almost jerking in surprise. It was a miracle in itself he was still at school. Tobio had changed into Oikawa’s shirt in record time despite being cramped in a bathroom stall and nearly had a heart attack when a mass of red bobbed past a window.

The sun beat down on Tobio’s back, as he stared. Everyone was already gone, farther down the path. It was nearly silent, nothing but the whistle of the wind as Kageyama struggled to remember what he’d planned to say. “It wasn’t a pain!” Shouyou took a step closer at his words, his face twisted in confusion. “Making your lunch was never a hassle, I never felt that way at all…” He took another step but Shouyou remained unreadable, only blinking up at him, his brows furrowed.

One by one, his regrets began to pile up, slipping out of his lips and easing his tension. “When you tried to talk to me the other day I just ignored you and I’m so sorry.” He took two steps at a time now, hurrying to Shouyou’s level. “I’ll never ignore you again! Please, just tell me what you were going to say.”

Shouyou sagged, his head dipping against his chest before his shoulders began to shake. Tobio didn’t even have a chance to ask what he’d said wrong. He raised his head again and giggled, slapping a hand over his mouth. Kageyama’s heart thumped, but this time, not from nerves. “Thanks, Tobio.” He fiddled with his fingers, the tips of his ears growing red. “But I already forgot what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“But…” They were only a few feet apart, but still, Tobio needed to be closer. Shouyou tipped his head back to look up at him. “There’s still something you're worried about, isn’t there?” Shouyou was alive right here, in front of him. He wanted it to stay that way, for as long as possible.

The redhead took a trembling breath, glancing awkwardly at the small amount of empty space between them. “Is it that obvious?” Tobio hoped he’d remember this moment forever. The soft wind, Shouyou’s pink cheeks, the smell of his shampoo, and the warmth of his face so close to his own.

“I think I’m going to break up with Ueda…” Seated on the steps, Shouyou leaned back against the concrete.

Tobio frowned and folded his legs up beneath himself. Legs stretched down the stairwell, he felt too tall. “Seriously? How long have you been dating?”

He didn’t seem too bothered by the thought of dumping her, only shrugged his shoulders and picked at his cuticles. “Uh… About two weeks?”

“That’s not a long time.”

“Yeah…” He grinned. “But I think it’s early enough to know, y’know?” Shouyou seemed lost in thought for a moment, his eyes focused on something in the distance. “Even on our first date, we barely had anything to talk about.”

“Really? Nothing at all?”

“I guess looks aren’t everything.”

Tobio looked at the ground. “That’s why you went out with her?”

He snickered, throwing his head back. “I’m such an idiot.” The sun was falling lower and lower, the sky a mix between orange and pink. Shouyou paused, tilting his head toward Kageyama for an answer. His eyes reflected the sunset and Tobio's breath caught in his throat.

“But you’re still a good guy.”

“Maybe.” He looked away. “But I’m still going to break things off with her.”

“It’s not because of the fight is it?” Tobio really hoped it wasn’t just that…

“No, I don’t think so.” Imperceptible to anyone else, Shuyou slid closer to Kageyama on the stairs, outer thigh brushing against outer thigh. “You said “don’t”, didn’t you?”

And that was too much consideration for Tobio’s liking. Shouyou _had_ read his note. Even in the evening breeze, wearing a t-shirt, he was sweating. The redhead pulled his knees to his chest and folded his arms over them, cocking his head. Did he have any idea what he was doing with just a shift of his head?! Flustered, Kageyama looked the opposite way.

“I didn’t like not being able to talk to you, Tobio.” His blazer muffled his words, but his coffee-colored eyes peeked over, still giving Tobio heart problems. “That’s why I’m breaking up with Ueda.” Their conversation fell quiet and Shouyou shot up from his spot, small hands digging into his sides. “There’s someone I like a lot more than Ueda, anyway.”

Tobio furrowed his brows, looking up at him (for once). “There is?”

The light behind Shouyou darkened, the sunset only a splash of red now. “Yeah, I realized it after Ueda and I started dating.”

“Who… is it?”

Shouyou carded a hand through his unruly hair and pressed his lips into a line, his face turning pinker as the silence stretched on. Kageyama fidgeted, pressing the tip of his shoe against the redheads. “It’s a secret.” He turned sharply, his bag flying behind him. “I gotta get to volleyball practice! Later, Tobio! Thanks!”

With that, he took off down the path (away from the school mind you) faster than Tobio had ever seen him run. He checked his phone, watching as the sun fully disappeared now. “But... you already missed it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I held this chapter ngl  
> I finished it awhile ago but it’s just been sitting in my drafts- couldn’t decide if I liked it...  
> But now I’m really proud of it so... :)


	5. Letter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Shouyou struggles to hide his emotions  
> -Tobio doesn’t want him to

_May 24  
Starting today, Shouyou will be absent from school for a week. No matter how much I asked what happened, he refused to tell me. Looking back, it had been around forty-nine days since Shouyou’s mother passed away, the day when many people perform a final ceremony for the dead. I only learned Shouyou’s mother passed away the day of the entrance ceremony our first year after he died. _

Tobio’s throat went dry at the reminder of Shouyou’s pain, earlier that day he’d reread one of the letters. Back in May, his friend really had missed school for another week.

The redhead was always, _always_ smiling, but he couldn’t even begin to understand how much that small body of his was harboring. He curled further against his desk.

It was summer now, a heatwave passing through their town. May showers brought flowers, but the sweltering heat of June was quickly killing them. At least it was raining today.

“Good morning, Tobio!” Kageyama visibly jumped, eyes snapping to the figure plaguing his thoughts.

Dripping, Shouyou shook his mop of red hair, desperately trying to dry it. “You’re soaked!” Tadashi shot up from his seat, face drawn with amusement.

“Yeah, on my way to school it just started pouring…” He shrugged his slender shoulders and cuffed his sleeves, pulling the unceremoniously thin and wet button up away from his skin.

Yamaguchi hummed, pinching a piece of the fabric between his fingers. “You didn’t have an umbrella?”

“It didn’t look so bad when I left home, so I didn’t bring one.”

Tsukki sneezed from across the room, also drenched in rainwater. “Idiot.”

“Like you’re one to talk!”

_June 21  
Heavy rain in the morning. (But in the afternoon, it’ll be sunny) I had a half-empty box of tissues in my bag that I lent to Shouyou. He forgot his umbrella that morning and showed up soaked to the bone. I should’ve brought a towel._

Prepared, Kageyama dug in his bag. The whole time travel thing freaked him out, but he had to admit, occasionally playing genie felt nice. “Here!” He held out a warm bath towel he’d thrown in the dryer that morning.

“You had a towel in your bag?!” Shouyou gladly accepted, pausing to rub his face into the warm linen. “Thanks. You’re awesome.” Complimenting Tobio had never been something Shouyou shied from, but it still made the former blush all the same.

“And what about me?” Tsukishima frowned, trying, and failing, to dry his glasses with a wet shirt.

“Sorry, I only brought one.” The letter never mentioned Tsukishima. That was rather amusing in itself.

“Hey, Tobio,” Shouyou began after he’d finally managed to tame his hair. “Why don’t we walk home together?”

“Oh…” The taller of the two gulped, looking back at his friends who’d busied themselves with other matters (was Iwaizumi taking a selfie with Oikawa??)

The redhead merely smiled, towel falling around his neck. “Exams are coming up, so I don’t have volleyball practice!”

He beamed. “Alright! Guys, Shouyou and Oikawa don’t have practice today. Let’s all walk home together!”

The room fell into a cacophony of murmured excuses.

“Actually, Iwa and I have, uh... other plans…”

“I’m leaving early to play video games.”

“Yeah… my favorite shows on TV.”

_There is no volleyball practice because of upcoming exams. The six of us walk home together for the first time in a while. After parting with the others, Shouyou asks me for help studying over the weekend._

Except this was wrong. 

Walking out the entrance gates alongside Shouyou, alone? He cocked an eyebrow at the redhead's skip in his step, only a couple feet ahead of him. Well, this was odd. The present had changed again. The fact he was surprised anymore, astonished him. Tobio wondered if Shouyou still planned to ask for help studying.

“So…” He drew out, swinging to face Kageyama with a peculiar grin. “You live near Jouyama park, right?” With color high on his cheeks, he ushered Tobio forward. “I’d really like to see it!”

Looking over his hometown framed by mountains with Shouyou at his side made it seem a lot bigger than what it was. “Wow…” The wind pushed red bangs flush against his forehead. “This is great!”

Shouyou was surely the only one capable of making a city Tobio had long grown tired of worth mentioning in such a simple sentence. But with his eyes glowing like that, it was hard not to believe him. “You should see it at nighttime.” It was far too early for the sun to set.

“Is all of this Matsumoto city?” Tobio never would’ve guessed Shouyou would find this so amusing. Miyagi was surely much bigger.

He pointed to the left. “That part over there is Azumino.” The two fell into a comfortable silence, basking in the wake of the cool air the rain had left behind. Tobio hunched over the railing, arms folding neatly under his head.

“It’s nice and cool up here!” The redhead climbed up onto the railing. He was small, but not small enough to lower his chances of tumbling off the cliff. 

“Must be from the rain.” He reached over, tugging Shouyou away from the ledge with a disapproving frown. He pouted. “The view from Alps Park is really beautiful, too.”

“Really?” He bubbled, hopping straight back to where he was. “I wanna go!”

Tobio sighed, glancing up from his arms. Shouyou stared back, his smile only growing. That, and the flush on his cheeks. He stepped closer. 

Tobio could smell the fabric softener of his school uniform. Hazel eyes stared harder, mouth curling into something slightly more mischievous. He was standing taller for once. He rustled Kageyama’s neat hair out of place. “Tobio, close your eyes.”

“Huh?” He straightened up, Shouyou’s hand easily slipping from the top of his head. “Why? For all I know, you’re gonna shove me over the ledge!”

“Please?! Give me more credit than that!”

With a deep sigh, the world around him darkened. “How long do I have to-?”

“Shh!” Shouyou hushed him. “Just keep ‘em closed until I say so.”

The air whipping against his face felt rather refreshing, but in a place so high, being unable to see was becoming increasingly unsettling. Something bumped against him. He flinched, an audible gasp slipping.

“Sorry, did I scare you?” Shoyou snickered.

He groaned, becoming impatient. “Only a little. Can I open them now?”

“Just a sec…” He paused to rustle through something, a constant hum on his lips. “Okay!”

Hesitantly, he opened his eyes again. The world seemed brighter than he remembered. Whatever Shouyou was dangling in front of his face was catching the sun's glint. He rubbed his eyes and took a step back.

Sheepishly smiling and a blush creeping down his neck, the redhead offered the object to him. “They’re matching volleyball keychains.” They were small things, tiny volleyballs painted with little stars. One had the number ten, and the other the number nine. Shouyou clipped number ten onto his bag. “I know you don’t play volleyball anymore, and I probably shouldn’t have pried into your past, but I asked Oikawa what your old jersey number was and…”

He was rambling, a stuttering, blushing mess. From anyone else, Tobio wanted nothing to do with volleyball, but from Shouyou… The small figure racing alongside him on the court, the only one capable of understanding him, the sliver of light he’d been hoping for. Gently, he reached out, plucking the number nine keychain from smaller hands.

Number nine. He smiled, watching the way Shouyou’s own keychain came to a swinging stop as he finally fell quiet. Number nine and number ten. People would see them on their bags every day. “It’s a present for you. My way of saying thanks for calling me every morning and making my lunch.” He rocked on his heels. “Thank you.”

Again, he thumbed the engraved number nine. How was one person supposed to associate one number with a good thing and a bad? Could his mind even process that? Tobio dipped his head, pressing the cool chain against his forehead. “But... I stopped making your lunch and calling you when you and Ueda started going out.”

“But you always do nice things for me!”

Tobio looked up. Shouyou’s smile softened. “You already bought me another orange juice today.”

The redhead's pout returned. “That wasn’t enough.”

Something inside Tobio was growing, burning from his stomach up to his throat. He swallowed, attempting to water whatever it was down. Squeezed the plastic volleyball in his hand. Sure, he’d had the same main group of friends since middle school, but this… it felt different.

 _“If all you do is live with it… then that’s not much of a life.”_ Shouyou’s words had stuck with him, changed his way of thinking. Maybe that was why Tobio liked him?

Shouyou was still quiet, his awkwardness only growing as the silence lengthened. “I really like it, Shouyou.” Shit, was he crying? “Thank you.” The shorter of the two nodded, taking a step towards Tobio to clutch at the sleeve of his jacket. He said nothing else as Kageyama, embarrassed, wiped the tears from his eyes.

He was too nice for his own good, Tobio recognized. Shouyou was way too understanding as well. Here he was crying over a keychain and Shouyou just stood there, finger rubbing comfortingly against his wrist.

Thankfully, he gathered himself quickly, turning to face the city with a watery chuckle. The redhead laughed along, and soon enough they couldn’t stop. Wheezing, the two slouched over the railing, still simmering with emotion. Shouyou groaned, shaking his head at Tobio’s glowing face. “Man, I was so worried you wouldn’t like it!” He clutched his chest. “My heart was pounding!”

He rolled his eyes, playfully shoving at the shoulder of the shorter. “No way! You were so smooth about it.”

“I’m serious!” Shouyou took his hand, pressing it into his sternum. Sure enough, the rapid beat rang loud.

The smaller hand curled around Tobio’s as color crept up his neck. “I mean… I’ve never done anything like that before. I wasn’t that popular in Miyagi…” With a deep sigh, his hand fell limp. “I live with my grandmother now, it’s just the two of us. When I told her you’d be making my lunch, she said it was unfair to you and that she would make it.” 

He pursued his lips, slightly turning away from Tobio. His face was rounder than Kageyama’s own, jawline less defined. “But, uh… I really wanted to eat the lunches you made. Sorry for being selfish.”

He shook his head. Selfish? The word selfish and Shouyou did not belong together. Tobio’s stomach fluttered. A sign of his feelings for Shouyou growing and growing. It seemed to be never-ending and at this point, he had no trouble understanding why his future self had sent him the letter. Shouyou cleared his throat. 

“Shall we head down?” He felt so giddy as they descended, like every step he took was on clouds. The sun was setting. Tobio’s mom was probably wondering where he was, but if Shouyou asked him to go anywhere, even with how late it was getting, he’d agree without a second thought. “Tobio,” The redhead stopped him on their way back. “Are you free on Saturday and Sunday?”

By the time he got home, something struck him, fiddling with his volleyball keychain. Were they studying or not? Tobio grinned, gut twisting nervously, he wrapped his arms around his abdomen and fell back against his bed. The redhead had picked it out himself, probably pictured the matching keychains hanging on their bags. Didn’t Oikawa and Shouyou hang out downtown the other day? Was that when he bought it? It really did look rather expensive, worth way more than a few homemade lunches.

_Shouyou and Ueda break up after a month. I was so distracted by being alone during our study session I got a terrible exam score. Please try to focus a bit more, your parents weren’t very happy._

His eyes snapped open.

Jumping into his desk chair, he scrambled for his textbooks and a notebook. In the letter, Shouyou had dated Ueda for a month, but he’d shortened the length to only two weeks. He bit his lip, scribbling another equation down. It had been a good day. A good couple of months thanks to his future self. He hummed, clicking the head of the pen in contemplation.

He scooped the volleyball chain off his desk. Had Shouyou’s gift brought his future self as much happiness as it was bringing him right now?

Kageyama had never felt more exposed. He wasn’t even exposed per se, he just wasn’t wearing his school uniform, oddly enough picking what to wear had been a struggle. He tugged at his collar. In the end, he’d settled with a t-shirt and jeans. What if he was underdressed? What if he was overdressed? He sighed, they were just planning to study together, why did it matter?

A fiery head of hair caught his eyes. Shouyou waved, swaying on his sneakers. In a navy sweater, the redhead seemed softer somehow. His stomach twitched. “Tobio, hurry up!” He rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance, but still, he smiled. Even the air felt different, it was just the two of them. “It’s so weird seeing you in something other than our school uniform.” He concluded after looking Kageyama up and down. Always one to speak his mind.

“Yeah,” Tobio mumbled, heat crawling up his spine. They were just on the cusp of summer break now.

Shouyou hummed awkwardly for a minute. “You look nice.” He finally blurted, face instantly coloring as he realized what he’d said. Kageyama was even worse off, the heat that had been climbing his back infecting the tips of his ears.

Shouyou looked more than nice. Kageyama wished he would’ve said something first. “Thanks.”

By the time they got situated in the library, the tension had faded, the silence of the other students around them creating a comfortable atmosphere. He thumbed through another page of his history notes, more Chinese history, and then came European history. Remembering all this for exams seemed impossible. Tobio flicked his eyes up from a page, studying was only useful for sneaking glimpses at Shouyou.

This time though, hazel eyes met his, a mischievous glint in them. Had he noticed? Flustered, he looked back down at his notebook. World History was suddenly a lot more captivating. 

Shouyou was reading over the notes Kageyama had taken for him whilst he was absent. At the time, Tobio wasn’t sure whether he was going to give them to him or not, thought he might be seen as pushy. But of course, the redhead had accepted the notes warmly. 

Daring another peek, he raised his head. Shouyou raised a brow this time, head resting against his hand before ducking back behind his book. He bit the end of his pencil, the only thing he could do to stop himself from squealing. How humiliating that would be... 

The shorter of the two lowered his book, a pout pulling his lips and red dusting his cheeks. Tobio bit down harder as his stomach somersaulted. _Oh god, he was in deep._ Every day he fell deeper and deeper into the pit that was Shouyou. 

But where would he be when he reached the bottom? In pain? Shouyou wasn’t alive in the future. If his future self had fallen as hard as he was now, he must’ve been crushed by the redhead’s death. It was a selfish thought, but he never wanted to experience that kind of pain. He wasn’t just saving Shouyou, he was saving himself.

_July 4th  
Shouyou gets the highest score in our class on our chemistry exam. I only got an average grade._

“Top of the class?! Seriously!” Oikawa groaned, nearly in tears after seeing his friend's grade.

Shouyou giggled. “Only in chemistry.”

“But you missed two weeks of school!” Yamaguchi chimed in, clutching his marked test. No doubt with an average score.

All desperate to know the redhead’s secret, the rest of their friend group crowded him. Kageyama was just happy he’d gotten a decent grade. “I owe it all to Tobio, really.” Shouyou eventually broke from the group, banging his hands against Kageyama’s desk. He grinned broadly. “Thanks for helping me study.”

“Sure.” He ruffled a hand through red messy hair. The shorter melted under his touch, grin becoming a pleasant sigh.

_After we get our tests back, we still have time in class so our chemistry teacher talks to us about a scientific phenomenon. To this day, I still can’t forget this lecture. It’s about time travel._

“Since we still have a few minutes before the bell rings, I’d like to talk to you about something you might find interesting!” Trying to be discreet, Tobio cocked his head, nonchalantly tapping his fingers against his desk. He didn’t want to look _too_ interested.

“Has there ever been a time when you wished you’d known the answers to a difficult test beforehand? What if you could build a time machine, go to the future, and bring the answers back with you?” Oikawa yawned, elbow jabbing Tobio’s ribcage. Unfortunately, Shouyou and he didn’t sit together in Chemistry. He glanced over his shoulder. At least the redhead seemed entertained. “I know it sounds crazy, but theoretically it’s possible.”

And just like that, a switch flipped in the class, murmurs spreading like wildfire. Oikawa who’d been nodding off, eyed Kageyama with a questioning gaze.

What if that was how his future self had sent the letter? Through a time machine. Perhaps everyone had a time machine in the future? He sighed blissfully, easy to fix mistakes with something like that. The more he thought about it, the more it didn’t make sense. If having a time machine in the future was certain, couldn’t his future self have told him in person rather than through a letter?

“Travelling forward in time would be the easy part, we’re doing it right now! But to make a great leap forward you’d have to move faster than the speed of light. This comes from Einstein’s Theory of Relativity.” Their teacher sketched out a drawing on the board, more words Tobio couldn’t process spewing out of his mouth. Below it, he scrawled a different design. “And then you’ve got black holes. If you could create one, traveling to the past would become just as easy.”

He scrambled for a notebook and flipped to the first open page he could find, surely he’d need this for later. On the board, a downward spiraling cylinder labeled black hole had been drawn. Through the middle, a line represented an event horizon and at the bottom was the word singularity. The middle space in between, that was where the time skip occurred.

“Now, black holes are celestial objects that possess an immense amount of energy. They can suck up anything.”

One of the other students raised their hand. “What would happen if you got sucked into a black hole?”

Their teacher hummed, eyes combing the classroom. “Some people believe that the massive amount of gravity in a black hole causes a time-space distortion, allowing for the possibility of a time slip.” He paused, hand on his hip. “If you could create a black hole above the earth and control it freely then you could harness its power and use it to travel through time. In fact, scientists have already begun trying to create black holes.” Tsukki’s hand shot up. “Yes, Tsukishima?”

“I don’t think time travel is possible.” All eyes turned to the blonde, his eyes fixated on the blackboard. “Let’s say you _could_ move through time… and you went back to the past, what would happen if you messed something up?” Tobio stared hard at his friend's back as he spoke. 

“For example, what if you go back and try to change things so they go the way you want them to? Then the timeline that created your future self would disappear from history. That would directly affect the version of yourself that time traveled in the first place. So from a logical standpoint, time travel doesn’t seem possible.”

The classroom had never been so silent as their teacher nodded. “That’s what we call a time paradox. It’s one of the main reasons scholars refute time travel, but there may still be a way to travel through time without messing up your own time stream. It all depends on whether there are multiple universes or not.”

“A single universe could only exist in a straight line, however, if parallel universes exist… then there could be multiple versions of the past and present branching off forever.” Again, their teacher wrote a model on the board. “In a parallel universe, even if you change the past, you would just create a different timeline than your own meaning you wouldn’t directly change your own timeline. In this parallel universe, you cannot change the past of your own reality, so there’s no need to worry about erasing yourself from existence.”

The bell cut their teacher off just as he opened his mouth to add something else. Seats clattered as the students gathered their stuff and headed for the door.

Yamaguchi led the six of them out. “Do you think there are other worlds than this one?”

Iwaizumi shrugged. “After listening to a lecture like that, it’s hard to think otherwise.”

“There aren’t. There are only one future and one past.” Tsukishima instantly disagreed, still firm on his beliefs.

Yamaguchi ran a hand through his hair. It had started to grow out and with summer coming around, his freckles were more prominent. “If there were parallel words, wouldn’t that mean that if you messed up in the past… even if you built a time machine, you wouldn’t be able to change anything?”

His stomach dropped, a wave of nausea ripping through him. The letter his future self had written him was becoming less and less accurate at predicting things as more time passed. Was it because he was branching off into a separate timeline?

If Tsukishima’s theory was true, the letter's contents would’ve changed as he fixed each mistake. But he’d looked at each paper multiple times, not one word had changed. That proved the universe was made of multiple timelines. Simultaneously, that meant saving Shouyou in the world would do nothing… it was impossible for Tobio to save the alternate Shouyou, to save his future self from the suffering.

Kageyama took off towards the nearest restroom, tears swimming in his eyes and bile rising in his throat. Regardless of whether he saved Shouyou in this timeline or not, there would always be a version of himself in pain. 

\---

Not long before Shouyou passed away, Tobio received a text from him. At the time, he had no idea it would be the last one he ever sent. Holed up in the bathroom in Shouyou’s home, he scrolled through their old messages, throat burning with restrained tears. He finally reached their last conversation. 

_Tobio, I am so sorry. That day I got mad at you has been playing on repeat in my head. I know I hurt you. I’m sorry. Lately, I’ve been frustrated with being unable to control my emotions, being irritable, becoming down so easily, and all that. It’s kind of sudden, but... Tobio, who did you give chocolate to for Valentine’s Day? Even as I’m writing this, I know you probably won’t tell me. And so, I’m sorry. That’s all. Thank you, Tobio._

\---

“Are you feeling better?” Shouyou offered a sympathetic smile, leaning against the wall outside the restroom.

He slid the door closed. “Yeah.” Did he look sweaty? Sick? “Sorry, I just felt sick all of a sudden.”

Shouyou huffed a breath of relief. “You scared me! Are you sure you’re okay?”

Tobio chuckled, clenching and unclenching his hand. He was still shaking. “I’m fine!”

The redhead held out Kageyama’s bag, the volleyball keychain swaying in front of his eyes yet again. “I brought your lunch for you. You hungry?”

Still in a bit of a daze, both from Shouyou’s kindness and the thought of time travel, Tobio followed the shorter boy outside. He kept his gaze on his hands, willing them to stop trembling. He was overthinking things. “What about the others?” He questioned as they reached one of the benches. 

“Oh, they’re fine.” The redhead took a seat, insistently patting the spot beside him. They were fine? Tobio raised a brow, gently popping open his lunch box. “Yamaguchi told me to bring you your lunch and I figured it would be a waste to go all the way back to the classroom and eat.”

“Actually…” Kageyama reached into his bag again. “I made enough for you Shouyou. Do you want some?” He offered the second box he’d made. Shouyou’s eyes lit up at the sight, any worry he’d been clinging onto nothing but water off his back. 

“Are you kidding?! Of course, I would!” Soon enough the wrapping was discarded and Shouyou was stuffing his mouth faster than he could swallow.

Tobio grinned, eyes following a pack of students that had passed by. “I can start making your lunches again if that’s okay.”

“Yes please!” He bubbled, swallowing a lump of food. “I’d love that! I’ll eat anything you make me!”

_After chemistry, we all talked about the Cultural Festival. We told Shouyou about how they let off fireworks at the end of the festival last year. Shouyou asks if we can watch the fireworks together, “just the two of us”._

“Now that exams are over, all that’s left before summer break is the Cultural Festival.” Shouyou peeped through thick eyelashes, shoveling another bite into his mouth. “Wow! This is the best potato salad I’ve ever had!”

“Chew your food properly. The recipe’s nothing special.” It was a shame really. Tobio frowned at his food, Shouyou didn’t know about the fireworks so of course he hadn’t asked to go see them together.

“Would you rather go to the past or the future?”

Tobio grunted, stiff and awkward. He couldn’t give a good enough answer either way. “The future, I guess.” Still, he tried to explain himself without accidentally telling Shouyou everything. “Even if there was no way to change the future, I’d want to know what happens, so I could change the present.”

“I think I’d choose the past, just so I could change the present. Maybe I could ease my burdens here a little bit. It’d be much better than shouldering them for the rest of my life.”

“Your… burdens?” Kageyama mumbled, hardly conceivable. Shouyou jerked his head up, sparing a smile. It wasn’t as bright as usual though, something was dimming his shine.

He jumped up from the bench and cleared his throat. “Thanks for the meal! It was delicious!” the redhead smiled brightly this time, not faltering for even a second. Tobio frowned up at his friend, tempted to reach out, anything to keep him from leaving with that forced smile of his. 

_By changing things, you might miss out on some happy memories. (If that’s the case, I’m sorry) But there is one memory I don’t want you to miss out on, no matter what. The memory of watching the fireworks at the Cultural Festival with Shouyou._

“Wait, Shouyou.” Tobio stood up.

He stiffened, fists clenched by his sides, and turned back towards Kageyama. 

_Please don’t erase that memory._

“Uh… the Cultural Festival…” Mortified, Tobio gestured around himself, trying to conjure up the words he needed to say. “At the end they have fireworks! Really big ones… Let’s watch them together.” Tobio finally looked elsewhere. His heart was thumping through the buttons of his uniform.

Shouyou giggled, his real smile reappearing. “Sounds great!” He took a stride back towards Tobio who was flushing to the roots of his hair. “Let’s tell the others and-”

“That’s… That’s not what I mean!” Flaming at this point, Tobio dropped his head into his hands, his last words muffled, but clear as daylight. “Just the two of us!”

A beat passed before he felt confident enough to glimpse through his fingers. The sight was rather comforting. Face screwed, the redhead fidgeted in place, scarlet spreading down the tip of his nose. Tobio could hardly believe he’d mustered the courage for a stunt like that, He hadn’t even thought about it, just acted on instinct, the mental image of Shouyou’s forced smile overpowering any common sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, that was a _long_ ass chapter :/ It took weeks to actually compile this so it’s been a minute. If you couldn’t tell, I’m exhausted. More coming soon <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3  
> I won’t have any schedule, so they’ll come out as I write them! Sit tight :)


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